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Dealing with easy child 2 and the band of enablers
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 142290" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>Me, too, Mustang. When they did the school evaluation for her learning problems, one of grandma's biggest complaints was her constantly whining that she's sick. Yet grandma caters to it...why wouldn't she? Grandma also groans about her "gut" (she has a beer gut - literally when the child stands up straight, she has multiple rolls on her belly - and she wears her pants under it so it flops 3 or 4 inches over her pants). Yet grandma provides her 3 or 4 packs of Easy Mac as an after school snack. Grandma drives her to the bus (but won't drive her 3 miles to town to play on a sports team). Heck, they even drive her back and forth between mom's house and grandma's house, which are 50 yards apart. Maybe 75! Hello, grandma!!!!???!!??!! Anyone home???</p><p> </p><p>I hadn't even thought of the immunity angle, but you're right. difficult child 1's bio-mom dragged him from doctor to doctor to treat ear infections when he was tiny. When the doctor would mention a long-term fix (he needed adenoids out) she'd take him to a new doctor. If he gets an infection now, there's no point in even trying the "lower level" antibiotics. They do nothing for him. </p><p> </p><p>This doctor that easy child 2's grandma takes her to handles mostly elderly people in the nursing home. I've gone to him on occassion when I had no other viable options, but you ALWAYS walk out of his office with a prescription. Maybe 2 or 3. I wouldn't let him diagnose a hang nail on a cat. I mean, really, what kind of doctor has a kid who has come in with a sore throat 7 or 8 times a year, year after year, you repeatedly send home with amoxicillan and not refer her somewhere else to see what's causing this sore throat? Its never even been mentioned.</p><p> </p><p>Plus, the kid never had a playdate or a friend prior to entering kindergarten. She didn't go to daycare or preschool. They went camping, but her grandparents are such recluses they didn't like public camp grounds so bought their own lot "on the lake" (which is actually like 400 yards off the lake, but whatever). She missed 20 or 30 days of school the first couple of years, which I figured was just due to catching every bug in existence. Now she "just" misses 10 days or so. "Just".</p><p> </p><p>Beth, I like the way you think. Its actually a good idea. Or I could show her pics of people with superinfections - things you get when you overuse antibiotics. Have a guy at work here who got that flesh eating disease and actually lived (no one's sure how - including him). HE could tell her some stories. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know that SHE can refuse the strep test, but she balks cause she doesn't like the swab and then grandma won't make her do it. I truly think the girl likes the medicine and the time off. This is a girl who can't remember her homework, to put on her pajamas before she goes to bed, to brush her teeth or even her HAIR before she leaves the house (at an age when she's starting to worry about her looks and boys, etc), or even to eat breakfast, yet I bet she has NEVER forgotten a dose of pink bubble gum flavored amoxicillan. Plus, I think its attention seeking to some degree.</p><p> </p><p>I must be mean, too. I did not let difficult child 1 or easy child 1 watch tv when they were sick cause, like easy child 2, they were "users". They liked to days off school and would abuse it. difficult child 2 has been sick more this winter than his entire life, and I mean sick. Diarrhea, fever, vomiting, and laid on the couch for hours on end (he never lays ANYWHERE), so I did let him watch tv, but there was nothing "objective" about his illness - he was sick. </p><p> </p><p>On one hand, I feel sorry for her; she's a product of mom and grandma's catering. At the same time, she's getting to the point she should be old enough to see some consequences for actions, both hers and her family's, and make some different choices, but I think she's so conditioned and her actually being held responsible for something happens so infrequently that they're not even blips on her radar screen. Not sure that makes sense...but she sees some things she wants to change things about herself and can see logical "problems", but does nothing to change them. She is not happy with her weight, is one example. But she still eats the 3 or 4 packs easy mac after school, ice cream right before bed, sits in front of the tv instead of playing outside, and wears skin tight clothes and crop shirts. Maybe I expect too much, but I think she should be getting to a point where she can connect a couple of dots here. </p><p> </p><p>But...maybe not when you've never had to. </p><p> </p><p>This girl is a difficult child in the making. She borders it, now, but (bad me, I'm judging the caretakers, here) I think its largely due to parental contribution in this case (mom and grandma, with husband throwing into the mix, and his mother diving in, as well, thinking its a competition to buy the girl's love). Maybe she's a difficult child already and this is how they deal with it, but I know she wasn't when she was younger, and her half sister (mom's older daughter) is not a difficult child and they treated her the same way - once she was out of mom's house, her dad had little trouble with her (other than having a lot of mom's attitude). If she is a difficult child and this is how they are dealing with it, well, they aren't. The only punishment or reward she EVER gets at her mom's is her gameboy taken away or given back. That's all she's GOT at mom's to take away. </p><p> </p><p>It just gets my feathers ruffled that she's already spoiled rotten (even husband contributes), and I've gotta put up with it, likely will have her dumped on me as a teenager when her mom gets tired of her attitude (happened with the older one) and not an iota of anything I can do about it. </p><p> </p><p>Except maybe ditch husband.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks for the vent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 142290, member: 1848"] Me, too, Mustang. When they did the school evaluation for her learning problems, one of grandma's biggest complaints was her constantly whining that she's sick. Yet grandma caters to it...why wouldn't she? Grandma also groans about her "gut" (she has a beer gut - literally when the child stands up straight, she has multiple rolls on her belly - and she wears her pants under it so it flops 3 or 4 inches over her pants). Yet grandma provides her 3 or 4 packs of Easy Mac as an after school snack. Grandma drives her to the bus (but won't drive her 3 miles to town to play on a sports team). Heck, they even drive her back and forth between mom's house and grandma's house, which are 50 yards apart. Maybe 75! Hello, grandma!!!!???!!??!! Anyone home??? I hadn't even thought of the immunity angle, but you're right. difficult child 1's bio-mom dragged him from doctor to doctor to treat ear infections when he was tiny. When the doctor would mention a long-term fix (he needed adenoids out) she'd take him to a new doctor. If he gets an infection now, there's no point in even trying the "lower level" antibiotics. They do nothing for him. This doctor that easy child 2's grandma takes her to handles mostly elderly people in the nursing home. I've gone to him on occassion when I had no other viable options, but you ALWAYS walk out of his office with a prescription. Maybe 2 or 3. I wouldn't let him diagnose a hang nail on a cat. I mean, really, what kind of doctor has a kid who has come in with a sore throat 7 or 8 times a year, year after year, you repeatedly send home with amoxicillan and not refer her somewhere else to see what's causing this sore throat? Its never even been mentioned. Plus, the kid never had a playdate or a friend prior to entering kindergarten. She didn't go to daycare or preschool. They went camping, but her grandparents are such recluses they didn't like public camp grounds so bought their own lot "on the lake" (which is actually like 400 yards off the lake, but whatever). She missed 20 or 30 days of school the first couple of years, which I figured was just due to catching every bug in existence. Now she "just" misses 10 days or so. "Just". Beth, I like the way you think. Its actually a good idea. Or I could show her pics of people with superinfections - things you get when you overuse antibiotics. Have a guy at work here who got that flesh eating disease and actually lived (no one's sure how - including him). HE could tell her some stories. I don't know that SHE can refuse the strep test, but she balks cause she doesn't like the swab and then grandma won't make her do it. I truly think the girl likes the medicine and the time off. This is a girl who can't remember her homework, to put on her pajamas before she goes to bed, to brush her teeth or even her HAIR before she leaves the house (at an age when she's starting to worry about her looks and boys, etc), or even to eat breakfast, yet I bet she has NEVER forgotten a dose of pink bubble gum flavored amoxicillan. Plus, I think its attention seeking to some degree. I must be mean, too. I did not let difficult child 1 or easy child 1 watch tv when they were sick cause, like easy child 2, they were "users". They liked to days off school and would abuse it. difficult child 2 has been sick more this winter than his entire life, and I mean sick. Diarrhea, fever, vomiting, and laid on the couch for hours on end (he never lays ANYWHERE), so I did let him watch tv, but there was nothing "objective" about his illness - he was sick. On one hand, I feel sorry for her; she's a product of mom and grandma's catering. At the same time, she's getting to the point she should be old enough to see some consequences for actions, both hers and her family's, and make some different choices, but I think she's so conditioned and her actually being held responsible for something happens so infrequently that they're not even blips on her radar screen. Not sure that makes sense...but she sees some things she wants to change things about herself and can see logical "problems", but does nothing to change them. She is not happy with her weight, is one example. But she still eats the 3 or 4 packs easy mac after school, ice cream right before bed, sits in front of the tv instead of playing outside, and wears skin tight clothes and crop shirts. Maybe I expect too much, but I think she should be getting to a point where she can connect a couple of dots here. But...maybe not when you've never had to. This girl is a difficult child in the making. She borders it, now, but (bad me, I'm judging the caretakers, here) I think its largely due to parental contribution in this case (mom and grandma, with husband throwing into the mix, and his mother diving in, as well, thinking its a competition to buy the girl's love). Maybe she's a difficult child already and this is how they deal with it, but I know she wasn't when she was younger, and her half sister (mom's older daughter) is not a difficult child and they treated her the same way - once she was out of mom's house, her dad had little trouble with her (other than having a lot of mom's attitude). If she is a difficult child and this is how they are dealing with it, well, they aren't. The only punishment or reward she EVER gets at her mom's is her gameboy taken away or given back. That's all she's GOT at mom's to take away. It just gets my feathers ruffled that she's already spoiled rotten (even husband contributes), and I've gotta put up with it, likely will have her dumped on me as a teenager when her mom gets tired of her attitude (happened with the older one) and not an iota of anything I can do about it. Except maybe ditch husband. Thanks for the vent. [/QUOTE]
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