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Dealing with resentment?
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 369998" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Can you afford a hotel room? Can you take some vacation days and get away? He has put her first. I would remind your husband of your marriage vows -</p><p></p><p>"To love, honor, and to cherish, forsaking <em>all others</em>..."</p><p></p><p>When your children are grown, they are "others". He is not honoring the deal he made with you. Since she clearly has manipulated him onto her side, it's time to give <em>him</em> a deadline before you walk out and let him get rid of her on his own. </p><p></p><p>What if, what if, what if? Any or all of those things might happen to her. Or she might get hungry and get a job. Or she might meet a nice man. Right now what she's doing with her life is sitting around her parents' house, being a spoiled little sponge, doing drugs, stealing, lying, and coming and going as she pleases. How is she any more safe than if she were elsewhere? That's a lie we tell ourselves instead of watching them fall down and get hurt. They fell when they toddled and somehow they learned to run. They fell off their bikes, and somehow they managed to learn to ride. If they don't fall, they'll never pick themselves up. It's hard to watch, but it's what parents have to do. The sooner you let them fall, the shorter the distance to the ground.</p><p></p><p>Tell your husband to man up. No one told him parenting or marriage was going to be easy. This is the part where the dynamics change. You two did your job with her. For good or bad, there's nothing for <em>you</em> to fix. There is a marriage to save, and he'd better get on with it.</p><p></p><p>I apologize if this advice seems harsh. It seems right. But granted, I don't live in your house. It is what <em>I </em>would do, given the hindsight of having kicked our son out. His mistakes are his own to make.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 369998, member: 99"] Can you afford a hotel room? Can you take some vacation days and get away? He has put her first. I would remind your husband of your marriage vows - "To love, honor, and to cherish, forsaking [I]all others[/I]..." When your children are grown, they are "others". He is not honoring the deal he made with you. Since she clearly has manipulated him onto her side, it's time to give [I]him[/I] a deadline before you walk out and let him get rid of her on his own. What if, what if, what if? Any or all of those things might happen to her. Or she might get hungry and get a job. Or she might meet a nice man. Right now what she's doing with her life is sitting around her parents' house, being a spoiled little sponge, doing drugs, stealing, lying, and coming and going as she pleases. How is she any more safe than if she were elsewhere? That's a lie we tell ourselves instead of watching them fall down and get hurt. They fell when they toddled and somehow they learned to run. They fell off their bikes, and somehow they managed to learn to ride. If they don't fall, they'll never pick themselves up. It's hard to watch, but it's what parents have to do. The sooner you let them fall, the shorter the distance to the ground. Tell your husband to man up. No one told him parenting or marriage was going to be easy. This is the part where the dynamics change. You two did your job with her. For good or bad, there's nothing for [I]you[/I] to fix. There is a marriage to save, and he'd better get on with it. I apologize if this advice seems harsh. It seems right. But granted, I don't live in your house. It is what [I]I [/I]would do, given the hindsight of having kicked our son out. His mistakes are his own to make. [/QUOTE]
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Dealing with resentment?
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