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Dealing with resentment?
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<blockquote data-quote="Bean" data-source="post: 370013" data-attributes="member: 8620"><p>Ladies, it feels good to be heard.Thank you. </p><p></p><p>Witz, your post sounds very much like the conversation I had with my husband yesterday and today. He does not attend Alanon and he doesn't go to counseling either. He's kind of hot or cold. That's how it seems most people deal with my daughter. Because she is defiant and can bark anyone down, they let her get away with everything, ignoring the rules and consequences, and then end up throwing her out when they've finally had enough.</p><p></p><p>The Husband and I made rules, set consequences, and the only one to uphold them and remind her of them is me! I have no idea how this happened. We have 2 vacations coming up and I can't see bringing her along (miserable), and I have no clue where she will stay while we are gone (not here).</p><p></p><p>Last night The Husband and I went out with friends for a few hours. The rule is, The Daughter is not allowed in the house (alone or with the boys) when we are not there. So we told her she'd have to find something to do for a few hours while we are gone. Somehow, while we are out, she makes it back to the house, comes in and goes to bed while her brothers are here. She talked to The Husband, who told her she needed to "go right to bed and not bother anyone." (That is where my resentment comes in. I feel like we can not do anything, or have any fun. She always finds a way to ruin it. Last time we went out of town for a baseball game, she broke into my parent's house and called to let me know. Thanks.)</p><p></p><p>See, my reaction would be, "We are not home, and you need to go find somewhere else to be." End of discussion. But, because he didn't remind her of the rules, and back them up, she was able to triangulate the situation and throw it in my face this morning, "Dad lets me be here!! Why don't YOU?" She has her own way of manipulating and interpreting that you simply can't bend a rule or leave it up for discussion. </p><p></p><p>My husband said if it came down to me or my daughter, he would choose me, but he is not happy that I would even mention that kind of choice (this was our discussion yesterday).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bean, post: 370013, member: 8620"] Ladies, it feels good to be heard.Thank you. Witz, your post sounds very much like the conversation I had with my husband yesterday and today. He does not attend Alanon and he doesn't go to counseling either. He's kind of hot or cold. That's how it seems most people deal with my daughter. Because she is defiant and can bark anyone down, they let her get away with everything, ignoring the rules and consequences, and then end up throwing her out when they've finally had enough. The Husband and I made rules, set consequences, and the only one to uphold them and remind her of them is me! I have no idea how this happened. We have 2 vacations coming up and I can't see bringing her along (miserable), and I have no clue where she will stay while we are gone (not here). Last night The Husband and I went out with friends for a few hours. The rule is, The Daughter is not allowed in the house (alone or with the boys) when we are not there. So we told her she'd have to find something to do for a few hours while we are gone. Somehow, while we are out, she makes it back to the house, comes in and goes to bed while her brothers are here. She talked to The Husband, who told her she needed to "go right to bed and not bother anyone." (That is where my resentment comes in. I feel like we can not do anything, or have any fun. She always finds a way to ruin it. Last time we went out of town for a baseball game, she broke into my parent's house and called to let me know. Thanks.) See, my reaction would be, "We are not home, and you need to go find somewhere else to be." End of discussion. But, because he didn't remind her of the rules, and back them up, she was able to triangulate the situation and throw it in my face this morning, "Dad lets me be here!! Why don't YOU?" She has her own way of manipulating and interpreting that you simply can't bend a rule or leave it up for discussion. My husband said if it came down to me or my daughter, he would choose me, but he is not happy that I would even mention that kind of choice (this was our discussion yesterday). [/QUOTE]
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Dealing with resentment?
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