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Dear mother letters that you never send
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 667315" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa, in the "fight" <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> for who had the meanest momther, your's is actually in my opinion the kindest, if that could describe her at all. I am impressed she did go to therapy to at least try to have a better relationship with her adult children. That took courage. She had to admit she wasn't right, at least not right all of the time. Even though it didn't change her, I give her a lot of credit for trying. I so wish my mother had gone to therapy with me. I am very open to a therapists suggestion, even if it means I'm the one who has to change. Sadly, my mother did not feel she had done anything wrong to anybody. That's the difference. Becasue she glorified my brother as if he were the Jewish Jesus and she was nice to my sister AFTER being abusive to her in her childhood, she thought it meant she was a good person and it was MY fault t hat she was so mean to me and s he got FOO to agree. Her attempt to destroy me in the eyes of my small family (only five of us) worked except in the case of my grandmother. So she turned them against me, but could not do the same to my family of choice. They would have laughed at her. But she did enough damage.</p><p></p><p>Copa, I don't know enough about Cedar's mom to judge her against mine.</p><p></p><p>But your mother certainly had more virtues than mine did. My father is also a bit of a "me" person (cough), but he has a heart and refuses to treat me differently (not better, not worse) than my siblings and I love him so much for this. The demolition derby on myself did not work with him either. Heck, he was trashed too. We have talked about it. Nothing will make him turn on me. That may not be enough of a reason to love a father to death for most peoplel, but to me it means the world. THEY CAN'T AFFECT HIM AND IT DRIVES CERTAIN PEOPLE NUTS! One has tried to turn him against me and it failed badly.</p><p></p><p>Oh, well. Tough on them.</p><p></p><p>So anyhow, thank you for your observation. If somebody thinks it is ok to destroy one child because s he did do it to t he other two (although she left deep scars on Sister from childhood), then she is not a person who is morally correct, in my book. Yes, I am judging her. No, I wasn't always nice to her either. Yes, I fought back to stick up for myself. But I shouldn''t have had to fight back, especially as a child and teen. She was the adult. I can not even imagine going at it with one of my children, even the oldest ones. It is screwed up, as SHE was screwed up.</p><p></p><p>Not until these FOO Chronicles have I been able to sort out the many feelings I have about various people in my FOO and I'm so grateful we are doing this. I see things so much more clearly now. I am getting so much validation outside of FOO that I am much empowered from the always-an-inner-child-woman who thought, "I am such a baaaaaad person."</p><p></p><p>Thanks to both of you.</p><p></p><p>I have work today. Will talk to you later <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Hugs to you both.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 667315, member: 1550"] Copa, in the "fight" :) for who had the meanest momther, your's is actually in my opinion the kindest, if that could describe her at all. I am impressed she did go to therapy to at least try to have a better relationship with her adult children. That took courage. She had to admit she wasn't right, at least not right all of the time. Even though it didn't change her, I give her a lot of credit for trying. I so wish my mother had gone to therapy with me. I am very open to a therapists suggestion, even if it means I'm the one who has to change. Sadly, my mother did not feel she had done anything wrong to anybody. That's the difference. Becasue she glorified my brother as if he were the Jewish Jesus and she was nice to my sister AFTER being abusive to her in her childhood, she thought it meant she was a good person and it was MY fault t hat she was so mean to me and s he got FOO to agree. Her attempt to destroy me in the eyes of my small family (only five of us) worked except in the case of my grandmother. So she turned them against me, but could not do the same to my family of choice. They would have laughed at her. But she did enough damage. Copa, I don't know enough about Cedar's mom to judge her against mine. But your mother certainly had more virtues than mine did. My father is also a bit of a "me" person (cough), but he has a heart and refuses to treat me differently (not better, not worse) than my siblings and I love him so much for this. The demolition derby on myself did not work with him either. Heck, he was trashed too. We have talked about it. Nothing will make him turn on me. That may not be enough of a reason to love a father to death for most peoplel, but to me it means the world. THEY CAN'T AFFECT HIM AND IT DRIVES CERTAIN PEOPLE NUTS! One has tried to turn him against me and it failed badly. Oh, well. Tough on them. So anyhow, thank you for your observation. If somebody thinks it is ok to destroy one child because s he did do it to t he other two (although she left deep scars on Sister from childhood), then she is not a person who is morally correct, in my book. Yes, I am judging her. No, I wasn't always nice to her either. Yes, I fought back to stick up for myself. But I shouldn''t have had to fight back, especially as a child and teen. She was the adult. I can not even imagine going at it with one of my children, even the oldest ones. It is screwed up, as SHE was screwed up. Not until these FOO Chronicles have I been able to sort out the many feelings I have about various people in my FOO and I'm so grateful we are doing this. I see things so much more clearly now. I am getting so much validation outside of FOO that I am much empowered from the always-an-inner-child-woman who thought, "I am such a baaaaaad person." Thanks to both of you. I have work today. Will talk to you later :) Hugs to you both. [/QUOTE]
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