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General Parenting
*Deep breath* I think we have reached a tipping point
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<blockquote data-quote="Mumunderfire" data-source="post: 733441" data-attributes="member: 23081"><p>Hi there, I am a new member and have been lurking like you sushi. I have quite a similar situation with my son which began when he was 14. I do feel your pain- it's such a lonely place to be which is why this forum can be such a help.</p><p>My son has predominantly inattentive adhd and I wonder if there is not some of that in the mix with your son. Your son does not sound in the least bit dumb to me. He's an enterprising, problem solving tour de force who is taking on the world and kicking its ass!! teens with adhd can be impulse driven, excitement seekers with no regard for rules or regulations or social norms and don't I know it.</p><p>My son has not been deterred by several arrests and a list of impending prosecutions let alone any sanction I can come up with, the school gave up and expelled him 2 years ago. </p><p>So what to do? Well I am in the UK and we don't really have the options of boarding schools or residentials there are limited mental health resources for children and your pretty much left to get on with it. But I don't know that sending somewhere would be an answer. I mean, what's the root of the problem ? if he has a adhd and CD I doubt it would do the trick although you'd get a break which wouldn't be a bad thing! My son was identified as having a mild/ emerging cd but he is not a nasty or cruel.</p><p>Your son does not sound particularly malicious to me just utterly resistant to parenting and possibly has a developmental disorder. In these instances, fighting fire with fire ultimately fails I have found. Being angry and or punitive is a waste of energy as it will not fix their brain! With age my son is starting to mellow. Although I have felt like a failure as a parent for 3 years I have held fast with my unconditional love, my criticism of the behaviour and not him, tried to set a good example myself; I point out the consequences of his actions and choices (over and over again). I have called the police on him; I have searched him, I confiscate things, but I refuse to live in one long acrimonious battle and our relationship is still intact. </p><p>I am not sure if any of this is helpful I wish I had the s answers but trying to discover what makes him tick might help you to deal as l with the anger and frustration.</p><p>Best of luck sushi,</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mumunderfire, post: 733441, member: 23081"] Hi there, I am a new member and have been lurking like you sushi. I have quite a similar situation with my son which began when he was 14. I do feel your pain- it's such a lonely place to be which is why this forum can be such a help. My son has predominantly inattentive adhd and I wonder if there is not some of that in the mix with your son. Your son does not sound in the least bit dumb to me. He's an enterprising, problem solving tour de force who is taking on the world and kicking its ass!! teens with adhd can be impulse driven, excitement seekers with no regard for rules or regulations or social norms and don't I know it. My son has not been deterred by several arrests and a list of impending prosecutions let alone any sanction I can come up with, the school gave up and expelled him 2 years ago. So what to do? Well I am in the UK and we don't really have the options of boarding schools or residentials there are limited mental health resources for children and your pretty much left to get on with it. But I don't know that sending somewhere would be an answer. I mean, what's the root of the problem ? if he has a adhd and CD I doubt it would do the trick although you'd get a break which wouldn't be a bad thing! My son was identified as having a mild/ emerging cd but he is not a nasty or cruel. Your son does not sound particularly malicious to me just utterly resistant to parenting and possibly has a developmental disorder. In these instances, fighting fire with fire ultimately fails I have found. Being angry and or punitive is a waste of energy as it will not fix their brain! With age my son is starting to mellow. Although I have felt like a failure as a parent for 3 years I have held fast with my unconditional love, my criticism of the behaviour and not him, tried to set a good example myself; I point out the consequences of his actions and choices (over and over again). I have called the police on him; I have searched him, I confiscate things, but I refuse to live in one long acrimonious battle and our relationship is still intact. I am not sure if any of this is helpful I wish I had the s answers but trying to discover what makes him tick might help you to deal as l with the anger and frustration. Best of luck sushi, [/QUOTE]
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*Deep breath* I think we have reached a tipping point
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