Hi! I have been lurking for months and these forums have been so helpful. My son R will be 14 in a few months. We have been struggling with his behavior for about a year and a half. A year ago, we discovered that he had been dealing vapes (he was in 6th grade at the time), had been stealing money from our wallets, had set up fraudulent paypal and ebay accounts and was selling things he didn't own to try to raise money to buy things that he wanted, and had purchased a BB gun and brought it to school (he wasn't caught but could have been expelled if he was). He was also doing poorly in school because of his dyslexia. Since then it has been an ongoing battle. We took away his access to the internet. He snuck iphones and ipods into the house. We changed the wifi passwords and took away his bike. He retaliated by acting out. He swore he wasn't dealing any longer. We didn't believe him but we didn't have proof. Even when we caught him with a device, he wouldn't log us in to see what he was doing. Phone chargers go missing. He has been in therapy since December 2016, we have gone to counseling with him. On and off he is a total douchebag. We've had a hard time figuring out what is normal teenage behavior (leaving dirty clothing lying around? not flushing the toilet after use? looking at porn online?) and what is abnormal. Tried to give him chances to earn back our trust. He swears he isn't dealing vapes any longer and isn't breaking the rules. Every few months, we'd find another device and be back to square one. Last December he bought an iphone from a friend for $200 (where did he get $200?), which we force him to return and we pocket the cash. He refuses to acknowledge that as his parents we have the right and obligation to monitor his use of social media. We find him up in the middle of the night in the basement watching TV or facetiming with a friend on a device. Install a lock on the basement door. He breaks into the lockbox and gets the key to the lock. A bottle of tequila is filled with water. Screens pop off windows. A ladder moves around outside. Our daughter tells us she thinks he is leaving the house in the middle of the night. Our friends tell us they hear he is dealing vapes and drugs. Plus, he's freaking unpleasant to be around--complains about everything, farts loudly and laughs, loud, hyper in the evenings, leaves his everywhere, badgers his sister, resists doing his homework, etc. And so entitled. Finally, I'd had enough. Last weekend, I figured out a way to break into his snapchat account and I do so. (It's not easy, by the way.) More than ample evidence that he has been dealing vapes all along. It's an epidemic in our middle schools and the kids are smart enough to figure out how to arrange drop offs so they don't get caught by the school or their parents. He also has been climbing out his second story window and riding his bike around town at 2 a.m. to hang out with friends. Kid is dumb enough to take timestamped photos in his snapchat account. Also videos of him drinking out of a bottle of wine. He had a neuropsychologist evaluation in 2013 (diagnosis: vision processing disorder) and another one in 2017 (diagnosis: dyslexia). We put him in an intensive dyslexia remediation program last summer (100+ hours) that made a huge impact on his ability to read, but he still hates to do so and performs poorly at school. He just underwent a psychiatric evaluation on the recommendation of his therapist; we should get preliminary results next week. Will see if he gets an ODD or CD diagnosis or what else they might come up with. We hired a lawyer last summer to get him an IEP (he had a 504 plan). The district did all the testing and said that he doesn't qualify on the grounds of learning disability as he performed in the average range, but they gave him one on the grounds of emotional disability, so he is in a resource room every day to help him get organized and get work done. He also gets 5.5 hours of tutoring every week, but is still pulling Cs and Ds. And this is not a dumb kid! He's smart enough to skirt around every restriction. I just don't see how his behavior is going to change unless we do something drastic. He is clearly entrenched in these "criminal" type behaviors and lifestyle. I think it must be an addiction for him. He must get some sort of high off of every time he puts one over on us. So we are meeting with an educational consultant this afternoon to look into therapeutic wilderness programs followed perhaps by a therapeutic boarding school. I am so angry and stressed and full of adrenaline all the time that I just don't see how things can go on as they are. It would be such a relief to get a few months off from living like this. Thanks for listening!