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General Parenting
desperately need advice....
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<blockquote data-quote="neednewtechnique" data-source="post: 43206" data-attributes="member: 3527"><p>An's mom,</p><p></p><p>Okay, I AM 23, and our difficult child is 12, we are discussing in this post that our difficult child had an unauthorized visit with her bio mom, which IS NOT me...she is in foster care in my home until such time as her father is awarded custody of her...it is a very strange situation, as her father is my husband, and she was placed here in our home with BOTH of us, but the state isn't quite ready to allow my husband to have fully custody of his daughter until they have had some time to evaluate that he can, in fact, care for her, since he has never had custody of her before. WE didn't get into trouble or anything, but bio mom got put in prison for drug related charges, in the presence of our difficult child, and she had to find a new home...</p><p></p><p>To sum it up, in July, my husband will take custody of his daughter, and I will officially become her "step mother" instead of her "foster mother". (THIS DAY CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH FOR ANY OF US!!!) I absolutely LOVE our difficult child and would never ever want her to end up anywhere else, even if she DOES have a tendency to be a bit over the edge at times.... You know, they say that a step-parent, step-child relationship can be a difficult thing and that you don't have to "love" each other to make it work, just have to "respect" each other, but I don't buy that statement...in order to effectively parent ANY child, you simply HAVE to love them, besides which, if they are the offspring of your SO, how could you NOT love them??</p><p></p><p>So in short, the decision has been made, I will be calling the caseworker and having a discussion with her about the visit. As for someone else's question about whether or not the visit would have taken place if we HAD said something, I HONESTLY don't think it would have changed anything, other than our difficult child would NOT have openly admitted to me that she did it, whether INSTRUCTED to lie or made the decision on her own, who knows, but we CERTAINLY have established that they don't play by the rules, no matter who tells them to....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="neednewtechnique, post: 43206, member: 3527"] An's mom, Okay, I AM 23, and our difficult child is 12, we are discussing in this post that our difficult child had an unauthorized visit with her bio mom, which IS NOT me...she is in foster care in my home until such time as her father is awarded custody of her...it is a very strange situation, as her father is my husband, and she was placed here in our home with BOTH of us, but the state isn't quite ready to allow my husband to have fully custody of his daughter until they have had some time to evaluate that he can, in fact, care for her, since he has never had custody of her before. WE didn't get into trouble or anything, but bio mom got put in prison for drug related charges, in the presence of our difficult child, and she had to find a new home... To sum it up, in July, my husband will take custody of his daughter, and I will officially become her "step mother" instead of her "foster mother". (THIS DAY CANNOT COME SOON ENOUGH FOR ANY OF US!!!) I absolutely LOVE our difficult child and would never ever want her to end up anywhere else, even if she DOES have a tendency to be a bit over the edge at times.... You know, they say that a step-parent, step-child relationship can be a difficult thing and that you don't have to "love" each other to make it work, just have to "respect" each other, but I don't buy that statement...in order to effectively parent ANY child, you simply HAVE to love them, besides which, if they are the offspring of your SO, how could you NOT love them?? So in short, the decision has been made, I will be calling the caseworker and having a discussion with her about the visit. As for someone else's question about whether or not the visit would have taken place if we HAD said something, I HONESTLY don't think it would have changed anything, other than our difficult child would NOT have openly admitted to me that she did it, whether INSTRUCTED to lie or made the decision on her own, who knows, but we CERTAINLY have established that they don't play by the rules, no matter who tells them to.... [/QUOTE]
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