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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 385976"><p>Hi,</p><p></p><p>I can totally relate to all that you are saying. I have definitely been there... still am in a different stage of the journey. Sounds like there are two issues that are related, defiance and drug use. When my son was just 15 things were getting so bad and so scary around the drug use that we did send him to a therapeutic boarding school. I think it did help him in many ways, it certainly taught him good ways to deal with his anger and it kept him off drugs for a year and a half. For that it was worth it. When he came back he was doing great and did great for about 6 months. After that things went down hill. So my thought on TBS's is they can help but won't necessarily solve the problem but they do buy you time. But they are really really expensive.</p><p></p><p>In the last 18 months things have gone down hill with my son. We started getting tougher on him. His drug use was getting worse, atlhough we didn' know how bad. However I knew that he was on a path that would lead to serious addiction. Anyway he ended up getting in a heap of trouble, landed in jail which really woke him up. I hate to say this but getting sent to jail might have been a saving grace for him. Only time will tell. So now he is in a drug rehab program. We shall see what that brings but I am hopeful again.</p><p></p><p>So my sense is the TBS did help him with his anger issues a lot when he isn't using drugs. The anger gets out of control again when he is using drugs though. I think the TBS helped with his drug issues to a point... he was sober for the first 6 months he was home...but that was not the focus. It is clear to me that now at age 19 he needs focused, serious drug rehab.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right things. Talking to the school resource officer is good. Talking to the school is good. Getting as much support as you can from people who interact with him. Letting them know you are concerned. Being willing to call the police if he is out of control. I suggest you look into programs that might help him that you can afford. Then I would set up some kind of contract/agreement with him about your expectations. Be clear about consequences. If he gets in trouble with the school or police he needs to go to given program.... and then wait. If he is that out of control it will happen. </p><p></p><p>Just be aware that if he says he is smoking pot he may be doing more than that. My personal experience, as well as that of many parents I have talked to, is that it is almost always more than they tell you. Early on I always thought I would know if my kid was doing drugs.... and I have come to find out that it is very hard for me to tell what he is doing unless he is so out of it that I need to call 911 (that happened twice). </p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 385976"] Hi, I can totally relate to all that you are saying. I have definitely been there... still am in a different stage of the journey. Sounds like there are two issues that are related, defiance and drug use. When my son was just 15 things were getting so bad and so scary around the drug use that we did send him to a therapeutic boarding school. I think it did help him in many ways, it certainly taught him good ways to deal with his anger and it kept him off drugs for a year and a half. For that it was worth it. When he came back he was doing great and did great for about 6 months. After that things went down hill. So my thought on TBS's is they can help but won't necessarily solve the problem but they do buy you time. But they are really really expensive. In the last 18 months things have gone down hill with my son. We started getting tougher on him. His drug use was getting worse, atlhough we didn' know how bad. However I knew that he was on a path that would lead to serious addiction. Anyway he ended up getting in a heap of trouble, landed in jail which really woke him up. I hate to say this but getting sent to jail might have been a saving grace for him. Only time will tell. So now he is in a drug rehab program. We shall see what that brings but I am hopeful again. So my sense is the TBS did help him with his anger issues a lot when he isn't using drugs. The anger gets out of control again when he is using drugs though. I think the TBS helped with his drug issues to a point... he was sober for the first 6 months he was home...but that was not the focus. It is clear to me that now at age 19 he needs focused, serious drug rehab. You are doing the right things. Talking to the school resource officer is good. Talking to the school is good. Getting as much support as you can from people who interact with him. Letting them know you are concerned. Being willing to call the police if he is out of control. I suggest you look into programs that might help him that you can afford. Then I would set up some kind of contract/agreement with him about your expectations. Be clear about consequences. If he gets in trouble with the school or police he needs to go to given program.... and then wait. If he is that out of control it will happen. Just be aware that if he says he is smoking pot he may be doing more than that. My personal experience, as well as that of many parents I have talked to, is that it is almost always more than they tell you. Early on I always thought I would know if my kid was doing drugs.... and I have come to find out that it is very hard for me to tell what he is doing unless he is so out of it that I need to call 911 (that happened twice). Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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