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<blockquote data-quote="OTE" data-source="post: 386080"><p>I have to agree with you that something significant and different needs to be done. First I agree with the others that you have to set priorities and pick your battles. If he's high he's not getting anything out of school whether or not he goes. So personally I'd put that out of the priorities right now. Curfew isn't the issue, it's what he's doing while he's not home. Bottom line is that using is the issue. </p><p></p><p>Seventeen is a tough age, worst year with mine. DSS wouldn't let me kick him out and he'd done every program in the state so no where to go but home. That's not to say that I think it's your last chance now while he's 17. But the longer he uses the harder it will be to change. So do it now.</p><p></p><p>First is to get him off the street and away from the sellers and users. That means moving him somewhere safe. I'd do a rehab treatment program before boarding school, therapeutic or not. He needs regular drug testing, limited and very supervised time away from the safe setting. No visitors who could bring him drugs, etc, etc. Rehab will keep tabs on him specific to a user. FYI rehab has a licensed educational program, it's not like he won't get an education there.</p><p></p><p>I'd also get him evaluated by a psychiatrist and an educational testing expert. Personally, I don't know that I've ever heard of a kid with only executive function issues. Other learning disabilites are possible. But I'd definitely do the full testing, not just the minimal that the school does. Of course, he has to be clean first.</p><p></p><p>Also, lock up everything you own while he's there and especially the narcotic. Never give a user a narcotic and never have anything in the house that they could use. It's a ridiculously long list of things you can't have in the house but better safe than sorry in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>So my recommendation would be to find a rehab for him (not easy for sure) and you and ex take him for a dinner/ weekend trip to his favorite place somewhere past the rehab. While you're away from home tell him how much you love him and create a happy memory. Gives him some hours sober. Don't discuss rehab until you get him there. On the way home drop him at the rehab and talk to him with the counselors about why you're leaving him there. All of this assumes that you can keep the idea of rehab secret. If not, you'll have to get him there in another way. They don't agree to go voluntarily!</p><p></p><p>Now if the rehab talks to him for a few days and decides that he's not addicted and a recreational user with control of his use they'll discharge him and send him home. My guess is that you don't think that's the case or you wouldn't be here. They will do a full evaluation, if they're a good program, including the psychiatrist and the educational testing. If not, have the specialists visit him there. How long he'll need to be there they won't know now. But they will treat him in a safe setting with others his age for whatever issues he has. It's 24/7 very structured therapy with lots and lots of rules. Few of these programs are locked so he could run away. If he does then you go to the next step. </p><p></p><p>As for having him charged with theft, what is the likely result? My policy is to not involve the police unless I am sure that I know what the result will be and it will be something good for my kid. Unless he's got lots of charges the result will be nothing to forced therapy which he won't do. The time it will take to deal with lawyers, court hearings, evaluations, etc is significant. So I can't say that this would be my plan unless you need the state to pay for rehab.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="OTE, post: 386080"] I have to agree with you that something significant and different needs to be done. First I agree with the others that you have to set priorities and pick your battles. If he's high he's not getting anything out of school whether or not he goes. So personally I'd put that out of the priorities right now. Curfew isn't the issue, it's what he's doing while he's not home. Bottom line is that using is the issue. Seventeen is a tough age, worst year with mine. DSS wouldn't let me kick him out and he'd done every program in the state so no where to go but home. That's not to say that I think it's your last chance now while he's 17. But the longer he uses the harder it will be to change. So do it now. First is to get him off the street and away from the sellers and users. That means moving him somewhere safe. I'd do a rehab treatment program before boarding school, therapeutic or not. He needs regular drug testing, limited and very supervised time away from the safe setting. No visitors who could bring him drugs, etc, etc. Rehab will keep tabs on him specific to a user. FYI rehab has a licensed educational program, it's not like he won't get an education there. I'd also get him evaluated by a psychiatrist and an educational testing expert. Personally, I don't know that I've ever heard of a kid with only executive function issues. Other learning disabilites are possible. But I'd definitely do the full testing, not just the minimal that the school does. Of course, he has to be clean first. Also, lock up everything you own while he's there and especially the narcotic. Never give a user a narcotic and never have anything in the house that they could use. It's a ridiculously long list of things you can't have in the house but better safe than sorry in my humble opinion. So my recommendation would be to find a rehab for him (not easy for sure) and you and ex take him for a dinner/ weekend trip to his favorite place somewhere past the rehab. While you're away from home tell him how much you love him and create a happy memory. Gives him some hours sober. Don't discuss rehab until you get him there. On the way home drop him at the rehab and talk to him with the counselors about why you're leaving him there. All of this assumes that you can keep the idea of rehab secret. If not, you'll have to get him there in another way. They don't agree to go voluntarily! Now if the rehab talks to him for a few days and decides that he's not addicted and a recreational user with control of his use they'll discharge him and send him home. My guess is that you don't think that's the case or you wouldn't be here. They will do a full evaluation, if they're a good program, including the psychiatrist and the educational testing. If not, have the specialists visit him there. How long he'll need to be there they won't know now. But they will treat him in a safe setting with others his age for whatever issues he has. It's 24/7 very structured therapy with lots and lots of rules. Few of these programs are locked so he could run away. If he does then you go to the next step. As for having him charged with theft, what is the likely result? My policy is to not involve the police unless I am sure that I know what the result will be and it will be something good for my kid. Unless he's got lots of charges the result will be nothing to forced therapy which he won't do. The time it will take to deal with lawyers, court hearings, evaluations, etc is significant. So I can't say that this would be my plan unless you need the state to pay for rehab. [/QUOTE]
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