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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 712819" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry you feel rejected, but I think you need to focus more on your younger children and less on these older idiots. Let them go and grow up. They are making mistakes but they won't learn until feel the sting of consequences.</p><p></p><p>Do you remember back when they were learning to walk? You didn't want them to fall down and bump their knees, but you couldn't stop them. The only way they could learn was to do it and to learn by stubbing toes, skinning knees and even bumping their heads now and then. This is the same. All you can do is go about your business and let them go make their own mistakes. You cannot learn for them. You cannot stop them. They must do it themselves just like any toddler learning to walk. </p><p></p><p>I think it is the hardest part of parenting. The not doing anything.</p><p></p><p>I also think it is the most important part of parenting.</p><p></p><p>Your other kids need you a great deal right now. They have seen the oldest child corrupt the 18yo and turn him into a drug user against the house rules/parents' wishes. This is scary for a child. Especially for one so young as 12. It is time to get the 18yo out of your home and take the house back under your control.</p><p></p><p>I strongly recommend reading a book called Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic. It has methods and techniques that might be helpful, but you should know that you and your husband will have to present a united front and be absolutely consistent. If you waver, the kids know and nothing you do will work. They truly need you to be united. It isn't about them hurting you feelings, it is about them needing you to be strong. </p><p></p><p>Of course they hurt your feelings, and hurt them in a horribly devastating way. But part of being a parent is being able to keep moving in spite of that, and putting that aside to keep going until the kids are not right there. I used to wait and drive to a park and sit all alone to look at my feelings and figure out how I felt about things, and to cry about how awful things were. Then I would get myself together and go and do what my kids needed me to do. Mostly because otherwise my kids would have run roughshod all over me!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 712819, member: 1233"] I am sorry you feel rejected, but I think you need to focus more on your younger children and less on these older idiots. Let them go and grow up. They are making mistakes but they won't learn until feel the sting of consequences. Do you remember back when they were learning to walk? You didn't want them to fall down and bump their knees, but you couldn't stop them. The only way they could learn was to do it and to learn by stubbing toes, skinning knees and even bumping their heads now and then. This is the same. All you can do is go about your business and let them go make their own mistakes. You cannot learn for them. You cannot stop them. They must do it themselves just like any toddler learning to walk. I think it is the hardest part of parenting. The not doing anything. I also think it is the most important part of parenting. Your other kids need you a great deal right now. They have seen the oldest child corrupt the 18yo and turn him into a drug user against the house rules/parents' wishes. This is scary for a child. Especially for one so young as 12. It is time to get the 18yo out of your home and take the house back under your control. I strongly recommend reading a book called Parenting Your Teen with Love and Logic. It has methods and techniques that might be helpful, but you should know that you and your husband will have to present a united front and be absolutely consistent. If you waver, the kids know and nothing you do will work. They truly need you to be united. It isn't about them hurting you feelings, it is about them needing you to be strong. Of course they hurt your feelings, and hurt them in a horribly devastating way. But part of being a parent is being able to keep moving in spite of that, and putting that aside to keep going until the kids are not right there. I used to wait and drive to a park and sit all alone to look at my feelings and figure out how I felt about things, and to cry about how awful things were. Then I would get myself together and go and do what my kids needed me to do. Mostly because otherwise my kids would have run roughshod all over me! [/QUOTE]
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