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Substance Abuse
Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706997" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with lovemyson.</p><p></p><p>My son who is 28, 10 years ago had strong interests: he is multilingual, native fluency in 2 languages beyond English, he loved martial arts, adored Brazilian culture, and travel. He read books for pleasure on linguistics, cultural anthropology.</p><p></p><p>Ten years later his interests have narrowed to conspiracy theories, maintaining his SSI and marijuana. He constantly fights the sense that he does not deserve more. An extremely good looking and social young man he struggles with the sense he is ugly and social anxiety.</p><p></p><p>I have for 5 years tried to detach, with the hope that his own sense of direction, need for purpose and motivation would be triggered. He seeks to be dependent and to rely on other people to provide support, and direction, and to take responsibility. I have accepted that this is the status quo until he decides to change it, and that by thrusting him away I contribute to the problem.</p><p></p><p>I believe my son is mentally ill. But I struggle with my own sense that everybody has a purpose and the responsibility to be productive to the extent that they are capable. That all of us need to live in society and to behave in a way that does not endanger others or ourselves. While my son little by little is nudging himself (with our help) towards these ends, it is very slow going, and we despair sometimes.</p><p></p><p>Some of our children, like lovemyson's child kick drugs and are able to find something that triggers their mobilizing and reaching towards their potential. Others. like my own child, seem to use marijuana and other drugs to self-medicate. My own son is fearful of physician-prescribed medication and while he has tried some medications, has rejected them all as dangerous or without effect.</p><p></p><p>What I am left with is the sense that none of us really chooses our lives, in their entirety, and must learn to accept that which we cannot change or is not in our power to change. Grace. I think is the word for this. (I have to say I am particularly ungraceful, but I am trying.)</p><p></p><p>I want to conclude with these goals, which I have for myself (the ones I can think of now.):</p><p></p><p>Keep yourself and your home safe and serene.</p><p></p><p>Look for support.</p><p></p><p>Root your own sense of value in things that are in you, and that you control.</p><p></p><p>Recognize that this is not your fault, nor is it under your control. You only control yourself.</p><p></p><p>Remember that my son has his own life, and it is not mine. I can be separate. He should be separate.</p><p></p><p>This is a very hard road. I am on my own hero's journey. I need safety, nourishment and encouragement along the way. From myself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706997, member: 18958"] I agree with lovemyson. My son who is 28, 10 years ago had strong interests: he is multilingual, native fluency in 2 languages beyond English, he loved martial arts, adored Brazilian culture, and travel. He read books for pleasure on linguistics, cultural anthropology. Ten years later his interests have narrowed to conspiracy theories, maintaining his SSI and marijuana. He constantly fights the sense that he does not deserve more. An extremely good looking and social young man he struggles with the sense he is ugly and social anxiety. I have for 5 years tried to detach, with the hope that his own sense of direction, need for purpose and motivation would be triggered. He seeks to be dependent and to rely on other people to provide support, and direction, and to take responsibility. I have accepted that this is the status quo until he decides to change it, and that by thrusting him away I contribute to the problem. I believe my son is mentally ill. But I struggle with my own sense that everybody has a purpose and the responsibility to be productive to the extent that they are capable. That all of us need to live in society and to behave in a way that does not endanger others or ourselves. While my son little by little is nudging himself (with our help) towards these ends, it is very slow going, and we despair sometimes. Some of our children, like lovemyson's child kick drugs and are able to find something that triggers their mobilizing and reaching towards their potential. Others. like my own child, seem to use marijuana and other drugs to self-medicate. My own son is fearful of physician-prescribed medication and while he has tried some medications, has rejected them all as dangerous or without effect. What I am left with is the sense that none of us really chooses our lives, in their entirety, and must learn to accept that which we cannot change or is not in our power to change. Grace. I think is the word for this. (I have to say I am particularly ungraceful, but I am trying.) I want to conclude with these goals, which I have for myself (the ones I can think of now.): Keep yourself and your home safe and serene. Look for support. Root your own sense of value in things that are in you, and that you control. Recognize that this is not your fault, nor is it under your control. You only control yourself. Remember that my son has his own life, and it is not mine. I can be separate. He should be separate. This is a very hard road. I am on my own hero's journey. I need safety, nourishment and encouragement along the way. From myself. [/QUOTE]
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Despite my broken heart, we put my 16 year old son out of the house
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