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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 445698" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Gosh you're stuck. I get the grandkids and the whole "why isn't nanna helping me, I'm hungry" feeling, and I get the "no way jose, these kids PARENTS need to get it TOGETHER". The conflict, regardless of detachment (and you are a pro, even now!) is going to happen from time to time. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if this is possible, but I had an idea. So she must be getting social assistance or food stamps right? So if she tells you HONESTLY what there is in the budget (perhaps through assisting her in helping her set a budget up as she asked), what about getting her to put the food/household budget into four envelopes (these wouldn't include spending money if there is any left). One for each week until her next payments or stamps or whatever. If it can't be you, then another trustworthy adult (Does your social service or mental health departments have Trustees?) takes the months envelops. A day with a set period of time is prearranged to assist her in her shopping outing for the week. It is up to her to build a menu for the 7 days and use local flyers to budget her needs to fit her funds for the week, hopefully getting a few sale items extra that can go to a emergency cupboard in her apartment. I know this takes time from someone else to get her out shopping for the week and isn't practical in all situations. But if it could be arranged, she'd be FORCED to search the flyers, build the list, not overspend, use any savings towards extras to stock up instead of blowing it, thus leaving a build up of extras for a rainy day, say birthdays when she doesn't have to buy for that week, lives off extras, and has birthday or christmas money or back to school money etc). </p><p>I have a friend who many years ago had a trustee. It works different based on the personal need. My friend had a worker she saw each Friday. The worker took her first week of month to pay ALL bills, then sit down and divide remaining funds and calculate how to fit in extras (winter clothes for kids etc). Each week my friend had to go get her money. Eventually they didn't accompany her anymore to get her groceries, but she'd need to provide reciepts the following week to show she did right with the money, otherwise, back to a escort again. This was done to ensure her kids had food and needs met. Eventually she became a pro and adept at her own finances. I had heard a couple of years back via grapevine she returned to a trustee but haven't asked her so not sure. I do know for sure that many years went by that she was very efficient at running her household.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line is, they may be at poverty levels, but that household has funds available to help the kids eat and its their JOB. She may just need to accept that she can't be responsible so until she learns good habits for spending and decision making, someone is along for the ride AND in control of funds to a extent, to ensure she spends them well and for the right things. </p><p></p><p>If that is possible, I'd see if you can't get her set up with something like this. Certainly the kids would love mom coming home each week with enough food until next grocery shop. </p><p></p><p>As for school things, if you can do it, nothing wrong in my opinion with gramma giving a gift to her grandkids. I'd probably be doing the same thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 445698, member: 4264"] Gosh you're stuck. I get the grandkids and the whole "why isn't nanna helping me, I'm hungry" feeling, and I get the "no way jose, these kids PARENTS need to get it TOGETHER". The conflict, regardless of detachment (and you are a pro, even now!) is going to happen from time to time. I don't know if this is possible, but I had an idea. So she must be getting social assistance or food stamps right? So if she tells you HONESTLY what there is in the budget (perhaps through assisting her in helping her set a budget up as she asked), what about getting her to put the food/household budget into four envelopes (these wouldn't include spending money if there is any left). One for each week until her next payments or stamps or whatever. If it can't be you, then another trustworthy adult (Does your social service or mental health departments have Trustees?) takes the months envelops. A day with a set period of time is prearranged to assist her in her shopping outing for the week. It is up to her to build a menu for the 7 days and use local flyers to budget her needs to fit her funds for the week, hopefully getting a few sale items extra that can go to a emergency cupboard in her apartment. I know this takes time from someone else to get her out shopping for the week and isn't practical in all situations. But if it could be arranged, she'd be FORCED to search the flyers, build the list, not overspend, use any savings towards extras to stock up instead of blowing it, thus leaving a build up of extras for a rainy day, say birthdays when she doesn't have to buy for that week, lives off extras, and has birthday or christmas money or back to school money etc). I have a friend who many years ago had a trustee. It works different based on the personal need. My friend had a worker she saw each Friday. The worker took her first week of month to pay ALL bills, then sit down and divide remaining funds and calculate how to fit in extras (winter clothes for kids etc). Each week my friend had to go get her money. Eventually they didn't accompany her anymore to get her groceries, but she'd need to provide reciepts the following week to show she did right with the money, otherwise, back to a escort again. This was done to ensure her kids had food and needs met. Eventually she became a pro and adept at her own finances. I had heard a couple of years back via grapevine she returned to a trustee but haven't asked her so not sure. I do know for sure that many years went by that she was very efficient at running her household. Bottom line is, they may be at poverty levels, but that household has funds available to help the kids eat and its their JOB. She may just need to accept that she can't be responsible so until she learns good habits for spending and decision making, someone is along for the ride AND in control of funds to a extent, to ensure she spends them well and for the right things. If that is possible, I'd see if you can't get her set up with something like this. Certainly the kids would love mom coming home each week with enough food until next grocery shop. As for school things, if you can do it, nothing wrong in my opinion with gramma giving a gift to her grandkids. I'd probably be doing the same thing. [/QUOTE]
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