I'm trying to detach but, more importantly, I'm trying to understand. How does a child totally go against every value you hold dear? For me, my word is my bond. I've taught her the importance of keeping her word since she was little. To date, her word means nothing. For me, lying is wrong. To her, lying is the easy way to get around something. For me, being clean is important. To her, cleaning is something you do when forced to and then with as little done as possible. For me, stealing just isn't done. To her, stealing is an easy way to get something you want. For me, education is crucial. Yet, she quit high school first chance she got. For me, you pay your bills, you don't overdraw your checking account, you save. For her, you charge on an account when you have no job, you write checks you know you don't have the funds for, you spend every penny you have and then become surprised when a bill comes in. She doesn't take responsibility for her actions. She uses people to get what she wants. Yes, there is good in her. She has empathy galore (except for me). She is generous to a fault. She's a hard worker when she has a job. She has a wonderful sense of humor. But the basic values just aren't there! I can't think of anything else I could have done to teach her values but I can't help but wonder how I failed. I don't know, was she too damaged when she entered my heart? Did she never have a chance because of her genetic pool? Does she have fetal alcohol effect and this is causing the problem? What could I have done to better guide her? So many questions, so few answers. So, my heart breaks for the person she could be rather than the person she is. I shed tears over her cruelty towards those who truly love her. I am standing back as I see more and more evidence of her lack of success in becoming an adult. I will not bail her out this time. If she wants to come home, she may but it will be on my terms this time -- get GED, get job, get some concrete goals and start acting on them, pay off those she owes as soon as possible and that includes me and the damage to my car. I am willing to guide her, give her advice and support wherever she is living but I am not willing to bail her out. I guess that's detaching. Not sure. But I truly would like to understand how she has turned into the person she is.