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Parent Emeritus
Detaching from the people in our children's lives?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 299959"><p><em>"How do you stomach dealing with people who are <strong>enabling your difficult child's horrendous choices, and quite possibly taking advantage of him,</strong> without losing your mind?"</em> </p><p> </p><p>Wow...your question, kinda hit me hard. Very recently we went through something when I met an adult friend of difficult children and momentarily thought this very thought.</p><p> </p><p>I told her that if she was not part of the solution, for the most part, I thought of her as part of the problem.</p><p> </p><p>She mentioned things that she does for difficult child that are helpful. </p><p> </p><p>I told her that when she does things for difficult child out of the kindness of her heart that are helpful, I am appreciative of her kindness.</p><p> </p><p>Didn't say much more than that...just kept it short and sweet.</p><p> </p><p>I suppose it doesn't really do any good to remain totally mum about something problematic you see before your very eyes, but I also don't see the point in forcing your view on your adult difficult child or in letting it get you upset.</p><p> </p><p>If you have an opportunity to briefly express your point of view with-o being confrontational to the person, perhaps take advtantage of it. Remember, we are not talking about children...kids under 18....at this forum. Our kids don't need protection. By and large, they know what they are doing.</p><p> </p><p>It's all part of the detachment process...let your difficult child feel the repercussions of associating with those who are not to be associated with. You might briefly mention what you see, but that's about it. </p><p> </p><p>Detach from the situation and from these people. Remember...what they think of YOU is none of YOUR business. ETA: If she causes you grief...well....its more you are allowing this person to cause you grief. In one ear and out the other...let this be your motto. YOU be in control of your emotions.</p><p> </p><p>What is your business is your happiness and productivity. Don't allow yourself to be hurt, annoyed, slowed down, bothered by difficult child or those associated with difficult child. Run your race...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 299959"] [I]"How do you stomach dealing with people who are [B]enabling your difficult child's horrendous choices, and quite possibly taking advantage of him,[/B] without losing your mind?"[/I] Wow...your question, kinda hit me hard. Very recently we went through something when I met an adult friend of difficult children and momentarily thought this very thought. I told her that if she was not part of the solution, for the most part, I thought of her as part of the problem. She mentioned things that she does for difficult child that are helpful. I told her that when she does things for difficult child out of the kindness of her heart that are helpful, I am appreciative of her kindness. Didn't say much more than that...just kept it short and sweet. I suppose it doesn't really do any good to remain totally mum about something problematic you see before your very eyes, but I also don't see the point in forcing your view on your adult difficult child or in letting it get you upset. If you have an opportunity to briefly express your point of view with-o being confrontational to the person, perhaps take advtantage of it. Remember, we are not talking about children...kids under 18....at this forum. Our kids don't need protection. By and large, they know what they are doing. It's all part of the detachment process...let your difficult child feel the repercussions of associating with those who are not to be associated with. You might briefly mention what you see, but that's about it. Detach from the situation and from these people. Remember...what they think of YOU is none of YOUR business. ETA: If she causes you grief...well....its more you are allowing this person to cause you grief. In one ear and out the other...let this be your motto. YOU be in control of your emotions. What is your business is your happiness and productivity. Don't allow yourself to be hurt, annoyed, slowed down, bothered by difficult child or those associated with difficult child. Run your race... [/QUOTE]
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