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Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628789" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Stress Bunny, I agree it is very hard to love someone who is never nice and in fact, is the opposite of nice all the time. </p><p></p><p>As parents, I think early on we differentiate between "Love" and "Like." We love them but we don't like the things they do or say.</p><p>When it goes on and on with the negative, and no positive to counterbalance, it's hard.</p><p></p><p>I find my heart and mind are much less hard, more compassionate, more forgiving when I have very little contact with difficult child. </p><p></p><p>And my difficult child is sweet most of the time when I do interact with him. So there's that.</p><p></p><p>I think your feelings are your feelings, Stress Bunny. But as we are taught in Al-Anon, they may not be facts.</p><p></p><p>You don't have to act on your feelings. Just feel and acknowledge them, let them flow through you, be kind to yourself when they are very strong and they will pass. You don't have to do anything more or less because you do or do not feel love for difficult child.</p><p></p><p>In fact, you don't even have to decide if you love him or not.</p><p></p><p>I would keep moving forward with your very healthy behavior, and let time take its time. Do what you need to do, and don't try to draw "final conclusions" about this or that.</p><p></p><p>We just don't have to. Life is crazy and erratic and there are many miracles, down points, sadnesses and joys. We can't know the future, and there is always hope.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, trust what you see. Like you already do. You're doing great! You are a voice of reason. </p><p></p><p>Hugs to you today!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628789, member: 17542"] Stress Bunny, I agree it is very hard to love someone who is never nice and in fact, is the opposite of nice all the time. As parents, I think early on we differentiate between "Love" and "Like." We love them but we don't like the things they do or say. When it goes on and on with the negative, and no positive to counterbalance, it's hard. I find my heart and mind are much less hard, more compassionate, more forgiving when I have very little contact with difficult child. And my difficult child is sweet most of the time when I do interact with him. So there's that. I think your feelings are your feelings, Stress Bunny. But as we are taught in Al-Anon, they may not be facts. You don't have to act on your feelings. Just feel and acknowledge them, let them flow through you, be kind to yourself when they are very strong and they will pass. You don't have to do anything more or less because you do or do not feel love for difficult child. In fact, you don't even have to decide if you love him or not. I would keep moving forward with your very healthy behavior, and let time take its time. Do what you need to do, and don't try to draw "final conclusions" about this or that. We just don't have to. Life is crazy and erratic and there are many miracles, down points, sadnesses and joys. We can't know the future, and there is always hope. In the meantime, trust what you see. Like you already do. You're doing great! You are a voice of reason. Hugs to you today! [/QUOTE]
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