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Substance Abuse
Detaching "WITH LOVE"?
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 629277" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>This is an interesting discussion.</p><p></p><p>As an adoptive mom of two children and also a foster parent of around 20 or so, I have learned that biology matters MUCH more than I had ever thought. This is not about blaming. It's about the truth. </p><p></p><p>In the case of our oldest difficult child, JT, he seems to have a personality disorder. The traits have been constant his entire life, and nothing we have done has changed anything; very stable characteristics. His bio family is full of dysfunction, mental health issues, substance abuse, trouble with the law, poverty, and domestic violence. As I mentioned, even some of JT's specific mannerisms are identical to his bio mom and half brother. It is uncanny. We have NEVER spoken poorly of JT's bio family with him. We have always shared that his bio mom loved him very much but was not equipped to take proper care of him, which is the truth.</p><p></p><p>I KNOW that nothing we have done or didn't do has caused JT's lack of conscience, lack of empathy, compulsive lying, substance abuse, egotistical/narcissistic attitude, sexual promiscuity, or failure to take personal and financial responsibility for his own life. We (and our entire family) have loved him dearly and surrounded him with wonderful relationships and role models, as well as a faith in God. There is no divorce, no smoking, alcohol, or drug use, or violence in our home. We live a comfortable life financially. husband and I are both working professionals, and we live a healthy lifestyle, and pay our bills and take care of each other, our home, and property. We have tried our hardest to raise JT with positive encouragement and support. I know of much worse parents raising children in much worse situations who have grown into decent, respectable adults now.</p><p></p><p>Genetics are playing out strongly here for JT, I believe. I hope and pray that he will make better choices in the future, but the reality is that he may well struggle his entire life. I am heartbroken. I wake up every day with an urgent sense that I need to do something to fix things and then I realize just as quickly that there is absolutely nothing I can do at all to fix anything. I feel very powerless and demoralized. The serenity prayer is a constant source of strength for me now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 629277, member: 4855"] This is an interesting discussion. As an adoptive mom of two children and also a foster parent of around 20 or so, I have learned that biology matters MUCH more than I had ever thought. This is not about blaming. It's about the truth. In the case of our oldest difficult child, JT, he seems to have a personality disorder. The traits have been constant his entire life, and nothing we have done has changed anything; very stable characteristics. His bio family is full of dysfunction, mental health issues, substance abuse, trouble with the law, poverty, and domestic violence. As I mentioned, even some of JT's specific mannerisms are identical to his bio mom and half brother. It is uncanny. We have NEVER spoken poorly of JT's bio family with him. We have always shared that his bio mom loved him very much but was not equipped to take proper care of him, which is the truth. I KNOW that nothing we have done or didn't do has caused JT's lack of conscience, lack of empathy, compulsive lying, substance abuse, egotistical/narcissistic attitude, sexual promiscuity, or failure to take personal and financial responsibility for his own life. We (and our entire family) have loved him dearly and surrounded him with wonderful relationships and role models, as well as a faith in God. There is no divorce, no smoking, alcohol, or drug use, or violence in our home. We live a comfortable life financially. husband and I are both working professionals, and we live a healthy lifestyle, and pay our bills and take care of each other, our home, and property. We have tried our hardest to raise JT with positive encouragement and support. I know of much worse parents raising children in much worse situations who have grown into decent, respectable adults now. Genetics are playing out strongly here for JT, I believe. I hope and pray that he will make better choices in the future, but the reality is that he may well struggle his entire life. I am heartbroken. I wake up every day with an urgent sense that I need to do something to fix things and then I realize just as quickly that there is absolutely nothing I can do at all to fix anything. I feel very powerless and demoralized. The serenity prayer is a constant source of strength for me now. [/QUOTE]
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