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Detachment at the speed of light
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 620891" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>I love you for this, and I love husband too...it is so amazingly brave to actually think and say what is true, the heart of our sadness.</p><p></p><p>I think you are right about difficult child daughter...she is gearing up to blame her illness. It is what she knows..the cycle of failure, the excitment of the crash, the abdication of responsibility. She may not every get past that. You have been seeing past that...seeing that she chooses her fate...MWM's comments are so smart and true...my dad was mentally ill but it wasn't his illness that did in all his relationships, it was how he handled it. That is a simple thought, and true. That is what your difficult child daughter is doing...now.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad you could support husband (for the first time, or a rare time I gather) in his direct address of difficult child son. That must have felt good for both of you. I certainly undermined my ex when it came to dealing with difficult child...but he was different, always so very very superficial, and continues so...and yet...there was a note of truth in some of what he said, and I have come closer to his point of view. </p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>This is real. This is the real you, the crushed Cedar, the abused Cedar, rising up like one of those healthy solid plants that unfold from the earth in the spring, not the little spindly ones that come up and may get crushed...the ones that seem to do their work underground in the dark and cold of winter, and then poke up a bit and then....STAND UP, sturdy and ready for what comes. I know from your other posts that you have had a lot to overcome in your own head and heart...and I've learned a lot in those parallels. I know, I too did not get angry. I had compassion and solutions (and explanations for those not as enlightened as I was, included ex). And then I got angry, and like you, disgusted by the lies, broken promises and broken dreams.</p><p></p><p>Lets unfold together!!! stand up green and sturdy! You are doing it now. </p><p></p><p>I feel heartbroken for your husband's comments about having nothing...all I can say, is you have each other...and you have grown so much that that is surely a richness. I hope he can turn his face away from your difficult children and find some days in the light, as you are sometimes able to do.</p><p></p><p>I'm holding you both in my heart today.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 620891, member: 17269"] I love you for this, and I love husband too...it is so amazingly brave to actually think and say what is true, the heart of our sadness. I think you are right about difficult child daughter...she is gearing up to blame her illness. It is what she knows..the cycle of failure, the excitment of the crash, the abdication of responsibility. She may not every get past that. You have been seeing past that...seeing that she chooses her fate...MWM's comments are so smart and true...my dad was mentally ill but it wasn't his illness that did in all his relationships, it was how he handled it. That is a simple thought, and true. That is what your difficult child daughter is doing...now. I am so glad you could support husband (for the first time, or a rare time I gather) in his direct address of difficult child son. That must have felt good for both of you. I certainly undermined my ex when it came to dealing with difficult child...but he was different, always so very very superficial, and continues so...and yet...there was a note of truth in some of what he said, and I have come closer to his point of view. This is real. This is the real you, the crushed Cedar, the abused Cedar, rising up like one of those healthy solid plants that unfold from the earth in the spring, not the little spindly ones that come up and may get crushed...the ones that seem to do their work underground in the dark and cold of winter, and then poke up a bit and then....STAND UP, sturdy and ready for what comes. I know from your other posts that you have had a lot to overcome in your own head and heart...and I've learned a lot in those parallels. I know, I too did not get angry. I had compassion and solutions (and explanations for those not as enlightened as I was, included ex). And then I got angry, and like you, disgusted by the lies, broken promises and broken dreams. Lets unfold together!!! stand up green and sturdy! You are doing it now. I feel heartbroken for your husband's comments about having nothing...all I can say, is you have each other...and you have grown so much that that is surely a richness. I hope he can turn his face away from your difficult children and find some days in the light, as you are sometimes able to do. I'm holding you both in my heart today. Echo [/QUOTE]
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