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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 708354" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>I am so very sorry for your pain. These children lead frustrating and in many ways tragic lives. It has nothing to do with us failing them. They are wired differently than us. I don't really believe in the term 'normal' but at the same time most people can cope with the demands of everyday life. Our difficult children cannot. My difficult stepson is such a child. Like you, we mourn the paths not taken, and the paths we DID take that buoyed our hopes only to ultimately cause more disappointment. I fear for my marriage as difficult stepson becomes a legal adult, if he continues to struggle. My wife's position is that no matter what he is her son and if he needs a "port in the storm" she wants to provide it. I have told her that I respect that but at the same time, I will not have a violent, drug and alcohol abusing, unemployed, un-medicated, mentally ill and unpredictable person in my home causing me distress.....even if it means my spouse and I have to live apart for a time or even split permanently because of it. I hope every day it does not come to something like that but for many of us, it does. </p><p></p><p>Nothing has ever helped my stepson. Beginning at age 8 he has received therapy off and on. We had him evaluated for an IEP as a sophpmore, he was found ineligible - then when we withdrew him from traditional school so he could try to finish his diploma online we were told the SCHOOL was about to initiate another evaluation because he was doing so poorly. Had he received the IEP he needed one year ago perhaps he would have made some headway, then again maybe not. That could just be magical thinking on my part. The fact that the school took this step for a 16 year old (in a district that is known to be unfriendly to special education) just underscores in my mind how bad off he is.</p><p></p><p>I suspect my stepson has CD too though he's not been diagnosed. Won't accept anybody's authority and if the issue is pushed he becomes violent. I would urge you to seek counseling, maybe some self-help like Al-Anon as well, even if you do not have an alcoholic in your family history, the program can teach you how to detach and love yourself in the midst of the chaos these children cause. Like you, I know my stepson will be nowhere near ready to live his life at the age of 18. Sometimes I believe I can sense that his will be an early death either due to misadventure or suicide. I will hope for a miracle but keep my feet planted on the ground. I salute you for doing so much for your son while being a single parent. Don't blame yourself. He is just wired differently from most of us. I hope your stepson can be helped.</p><p></p><p>By the way, Risperdal is an anti-psychotic and can cause weight gain. Not sure if that would affect your son's willingness to take it and be compliant with it. My stepson has a tendency toward heaviness and would not take a drug with this side effect.</p><p></p><p>Good luck to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 708354, member: 13303"] I am so very sorry for your pain. These children lead frustrating and in many ways tragic lives. It has nothing to do with us failing them. They are wired differently than us. I don't really believe in the term 'normal' but at the same time most people can cope with the demands of everyday life. Our difficult children cannot. My difficult stepson is such a child. Like you, we mourn the paths not taken, and the paths we DID take that buoyed our hopes only to ultimately cause more disappointment. I fear for my marriage as difficult stepson becomes a legal adult, if he continues to struggle. My wife's position is that no matter what he is her son and if he needs a "port in the storm" she wants to provide it. I have told her that I respect that but at the same time, I will not have a violent, drug and alcohol abusing, unemployed, un-medicated, mentally ill and unpredictable person in my home causing me distress.....even if it means my spouse and I have to live apart for a time or even split permanently because of it. I hope every day it does not come to something like that but for many of us, it does. Nothing has ever helped my stepson. Beginning at age 8 he has received therapy off and on. We had him evaluated for an IEP as a sophpmore, he was found ineligible - then when we withdrew him from traditional school so he could try to finish his diploma online we were told the SCHOOL was about to initiate another evaluation because he was doing so poorly. Had he received the IEP he needed one year ago perhaps he would have made some headway, then again maybe not. That could just be magical thinking on my part. The fact that the school took this step for a 16 year old (in a district that is known to be unfriendly to special education) just underscores in my mind how bad off he is. I suspect my stepson has CD too though he's not been diagnosed. Won't accept anybody's authority and if the issue is pushed he becomes violent. I would urge you to seek counseling, maybe some self-help like Al-Anon as well, even if you do not have an alcoholic in your family history, the program can teach you how to detach and love yourself in the midst of the chaos these children cause. Like you, I know my stepson will be nowhere near ready to live his life at the age of 18. Sometimes I believe I can sense that his will be an early death either due to misadventure or suicide. I will hope for a miracle but keep my feet planted on the ground. I salute you for doing so much for your son while being a single parent. Don't blame yourself. He is just wired differently from most of us. I hope your stepson can be helped. By the way, Risperdal is an anti-psychotic and can cause weight gain. Not sure if that would affect your son's willingness to take it and be compliant with it. My stepson has a tendency toward heaviness and would not take a drug with this side effect. Good luck to you. [/QUOTE]
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