Tonight I helped my 20 year old son to move to his own place and although I know it had to happen for the sake of my family I feel completely devastated and heartbroken. He has always been a challenge with a history of behaviour similar to many other stories here. Life has been just happening for the past two years and today I had enough, said some awful things and told him to find somewhere else to live. I meant it too but when he arranged somewhere I wanted to throw myself at his feet and hold on. Now I feel so scared what will happen and I feel so worried that he will do something stupid. He has depression, doesn't work, uses and deals drugs, was recently arrested and has demonstrated threatening behaviour to my family. But I love him. How do you deal with this? Like everyone I've questioned my parenting skills and know I've made mistakes but I really do not feel his life was bad. He is so angry and is completely unable to forgive and forget anything that has happened to him, it's like he only sees black or white, I strongly suspect he is autistic but he will not even entertain the idea. I persuaded him to see a private counsellor but he does not engage and did not want follow up. My family is me, my husband (sons step dad but has been hid dad since he was one) and my daughters who are 16 and 18. He has not really spoken to his dad or his younger sister for the last year because they do not entertain his bad behaviour at all. He split with his long term girlfriend about 8 months ago and this has obviously affected him badly and I feel horrible for him but don't know how to help. I have been living my life on the edge. Scared of phone calls, checking his social profiles, afraid to go to work and afraid to come home, I'm sure people will understand. My younger daughter cried last week that she didn't want him here and was scared because she let the police in when he was arrested, she was scared he would hurt her. I almost left with him because I didn't know how to protect him. My eldest daughter has a stronger bond with him but she told me she was struggling to deal with him off loading to her and that she was feeling depressed, I've seen the Change in her. He treats my husband so badly and he really doesn't deserve it. As I am writing I am not sure what I want/need - just unload I suppose. I just feel so sad.