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Devasted by difficult child's action and answer
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 422829" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>((HUGS)) The only suggestion I have is to look at it like 1) he was honest with you and what he's saying about needing to be ready for rehab and it being his decision is 100% correct and 2) it is much preferable for an addicted person to admit it to themselves than to be in denial. He can get help this way. He can't get help if he was in denial. He is doing what is recommended when a person thinks they might have a problem- try to quit on your own first. Stand back and let him try, if he can then great for all involved. If he can't and no one has interfered it is much more likely that he will do something about it. He is right though- he has to know for himself in order for anything to work and he can't take responsibility for his life and problems if someone else is trying to control them. I am not saying any of this to be critical- I don't know you on the board so I hope this isn't coming across as critical- it is honestly meant to make you feel better- there is a saying in 12-step programs- admitting you have a problem leads to hope for a better life and a road to recovery. Denial that you have a problem keeps you digging yourself in further. Try to look at this "stage" of it as him having to be sure himself, then leave it up to him to ask for help if he can't. You can, however, gather some information on 12-step programs and rehab and provide it to him so he can make an informed decision. Maybe even tell him you agree with this approach and will back off trying to take over it but suggest he go to a 12-step meeting or two to "feel better about this difficult situation" or something.</p><p></p><p>PS I recently got a letter from my 16yo who's in Department of Juvenile Justice right now. It said he was still using drugs- medications he's getting from from other kids illegally. Then he asked if I thought he could be an addict. It made me feel better that he asked that than it would if he was saying he was convinced he didn't have a problem. My response to you is based on that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 422829, member: 3699"] ((HUGS)) The only suggestion I have is to look at it like 1) he was honest with you and what he's saying about needing to be ready for rehab and it being his decision is 100% correct and 2) it is much preferable for an addicted person to admit it to themselves than to be in denial. He can get help this way. He can't get help if he was in denial. He is doing what is recommended when a person thinks they might have a problem- try to quit on your own first. Stand back and let him try, if he can then great for all involved. If he can't and no one has interfered it is much more likely that he will do something about it. He is right though- he has to know for himself in order for anything to work and he can't take responsibility for his life and problems if someone else is trying to control them. I am not saying any of this to be critical- I don't know you on the board so I hope this isn't coming across as critical- it is honestly meant to make you feel better- there is a saying in 12-step programs- admitting you have a problem leads to hope for a better life and a road to recovery. Denial that you have a problem keeps you digging yourself in further. Try to look at this "stage" of it as him having to be sure himself, then leave it up to him to ask for help if he can't. You can, however, gather some information on 12-step programs and rehab and provide it to him so he can make an informed decision. Maybe even tell him you agree with this approach and will back off trying to take over it but suggest he go to a 12-step meeting or two to "feel better about this difficult situation" or something. PS I recently got a letter from my 16yo who's in Department of Juvenile Justice right now. It said he was still using drugs- medications he's getting from from other kids illegally. Then he asked if I thought he could be an addict. It made me feel better that he asked that than it would if he was saying he was convinced he didn't have a problem. My response to you is based on that. [/QUOTE]
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