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Devasted by difficult child's action and answer
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 422849" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Flower, </p><p> </p><p>I'm sending you huge hugs because this is such a slippery slope you are entering. To me after living with a drug addict for so many years and having heard it all? I don't know that there is any give left in me without conditions. I'll explain best I can. Most of me wants to come out and say to you "Uh huh and what great excuse will he have in two weeks?" He's still not ready, someone else at work couldn't deal with the death and called in sick so he has to cover, he's decided he can lick this addiction thing all by himself? On and on there could be excuses and this leaves you and your husband with a man in your home that admittedly has stolen from you, is on the edge and is really making conditions as to how life is going to be for HIM wherever he goes - with his brother, in YOUR home - and that's not fair. </p><p> </p><p>Think about it for a minute. When he went to his brothers home - they had to cut a visit short somehwere because he was going to "loose it". Okay so they leave so no one gets in trouble. On one hand you look at the situation like "Boy that was a good thing he chose to leave." Yet on a totally different side of it you have to see he's just barely holding it together. Most people don't almost loose it. So was it really a good thing? How long will it be before he can't not loose it? Then before he leaves I think you said you wanted to talk to him about missing money and he blew up on you and said "OKAY I'm doing drugs." as if this statement to you says "Don't say another word about me in YOUR house taking money, doing drugs, just drop it." Then says half heartedly if you ask me because I've been there for the hollow apologies "I"m sorry this hurt you." WTH is that supposed to mean - we didn't even cover the missing money buster...not that the MONEY is first thing on MY mind - we have a WHOLE BAG of junk to cover here - and now you're TELLING ME - WHEN you are going to be OUT OF MY HOUSE? How kind. Tuesday is it? HOLY COW - I think I would have grabbed a suitcase, handed it to him and said - "I want my money repaid NOW, NO it is NOT okay that you are doing drugs and I will decide when ANYONE leaves MY house...YOU are not making decisions for ANYONE about MY home." - Then he leaves....To that end? You really did play it right by not engaging in any confrontation with him - but later? After the fact? WOW - he so would not have come home to have a two week extension discussion wtih me. </p><p> </p><p>As far as he needs someone else to tell him to go to rehab, he needs to figure it out himself - he needs this he needs that - now someone has been killed? He's really all over the board here. Difficult to judge like you said what's best, and possibly not a tough love scenario at present. However - I WOULD NOT have allowed him to come home without ruminating about the money he took, solid plans for talking to SOMEONE about his rehab - I mean if it's not me then it better be someone - and soon. I would suggest he get to an NA meeting or an AA meeting. I think klmno was on the right track too because someone THERE isn't you - and while he's there - you go to an ALANON meeting. I too like that he was honest with you, I'm just not really wild about the fact that he blended it with - AND HERE is how it's going to be in your house routine. I think it's a little back door in my humble opinion. </p><p> </p><p>I would also have a plan B - for 2 weeks from now and I'd let him in on that too - and I'd hide my money and no more gas money - period. He can bike it for all I'd care. But that's me. </p><p> </p><p>Hope things work out - but I think in 2 weeks - you ARE going to have to be the TOUGH love person - and stick to your guns. His brother too. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 422849, member: 4964"] Flower, I'm sending you huge hugs because this is such a slippery slope you are entering. To me after living with a drug addict for so many years and having heard it all? I don't know that there is any give left in me without conditions. I'll explain best I can. Most of me wants to come out and say to you "Uh huh and what great excuse will he have in two weeks?" He's still not ready, someone else at work couldn't deal with the death and called in sick so he has to cover, he's decided he can lick this addiction thing all by himself? On and on there could be excuses and this leaves you and your husband with a man in your home that admittedly has stolen from you, is on the edge and is really making conditions as to how life is going to be for HIM wherever he goes - with his brother, in YOUR home - and that's not fair. Think about it for a minute. When he went to his brothers home - they had to cut a visit short somehwere because he was going to "loose it". Okay so they leave so no one gets in trouble. On one hand you look at the situation like "Boy that was a good thing he chose to leave." Yet on a totally different side of it you have to see he's just barely holding it together. Most people don't almost loose it. So was it really a good thing? How long will it be before he can't not loose it? Then before he leaves I think you said you wanted to talk to him about missing money and he blew up on you and said "OKAY I'm doing drugs." as if this statement to you says "Don't say another word about me in YOUR house taking money, doing drugs, just drop it." Then says half heartedly if you ask me because I've been there for the hollow apologies "I"m sorry this hurt you." WTH is that supposed to mean - we didn't even cover the missing money buster...not that the MONEY is first thing on MY mind - we have a WHOLE BAG of junk to cover here - and now you're TELLING ME - WHEN you are going to be OUT OF MY HOUSE? How kind. Tuesday is it? HOLY COW - I think I would have grabbed a suitcase, handed it to him and said - "I want my money repaid NOW, NO it is NOT okay that you are doing drugs and I will decide when ANYONE leaves MY house...YOU are not making decisions for ANYONE about MY home." - Then he leaves....To that end? You really did play it right by not engaging in any confrontation with him - but later? After the fact? WOW - he so would not have come home to have a two week extension discussion wtih me. As far as he needs someone else to tell him to go to rehab, he needs to figure it out himself - he needs this he needs that - now someone has been killed? He's really all over the board here. Difficult to judge like you said what's best, and possibly not a tough love scenario at present. However - I WOULD NOT have allowed him to come home without ruminating about the money he took, solid plans for talking to SOMEONE about his rehab - I mean if it's not me then it better be someone - and soon. I would suggest he get to an NA meeting or an AA meeting. I think klmno was on the right track too because someone THERE isn't you - and while he's there - you go to an ALANON meeting. I too like that he was honest with you, I'm just not really wild about the fact that he blended it with - AND HERE is how it's going to be in your house routine. I think it's a little back door in my humble opinion. I would also have a plan B - for 2 weeks from now and I'd let him in on that too - and I'd hide my money and no more gas money - period. He can bike it for all I'd care. But that's me. Hope things work out - but I think in 2 weeks - you ARE going to have to be the TOUGH love person - and stick to your guns. His brother too. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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