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Family of Origin
Did I do the right thing going no contact?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 743284" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks Copa. You are so right it is scary. She was horrid to my brother too...made fun of his illness and did not invite him to her wedding because she was embarassed that he was "gross." I suspect her main reason for cuddling up to him later on was because my mother, who abused her as much as me when she was a kid, always worshipped my brother. If you werent nice to R. she held it against you. So Sis apologized to R. to gain Mother approval.... but couldnt have told R. the truth. It was an ugly truth. Just like she tells nobody that she likes to call the cops to teach me lessons. She left that part out when she talked about our relationship on another site. Heck for all I know she is still posting about me there and on Pintercrest. It has been months since I looked. I promised myself and you that I would not and I have lots of willpower.</p><p></p><p>Funnily I share that cop story with everyone in my therapeutic community and they pretty much tell me she sounds very sick.</p><p></p><p>She is. </p><p></p><p> Her boyfriend situation is very unhealthy too. She has an inability to let go of anyone (even me) and I really dont want to enable her abusive relationship anymore. He will be in her life for the rest of her life because she refuses to leave this horrible man. Even if she marries I dont think she will dtop at least talking to him. She already kept cheating on a nice man who loved her. She has horrible problems in romantic relationships. She cant do them if the man is nice to her. And apparently cant leave men who are brutal to her.</p><p></p><p>Sure, I wish the family I had as a child had been different. But it wasnt. I have that family now. </p><p></p><p>Of course FOO issues creep up from time to time. But I never ever think it was my fault, like I used to. Just dysfunctional people who needed a scapegoat. So they picked me as I had difficult behaviors due to my challenges. I was "bad."</p><p></p><p> My sister was the lost neglected child. I think that her role impacts you even more as an adult than being the scapegoat. Mean example, and my mothers decision: both of my siblings went to college, my brother for his Masters. They paid for his college. My sister had to take out loans. I forget why....other than the obvious favoritism. Isnt that mean? My mom was very unkind to my sister until she was nearly 30. I figure Sis kissed up to her then. You had to in order for her to treat you okay. </p><p></p><p>I was sooooo lucky to have my grandma's neverending love or I could have been like my sister. My Grandma, or Mom as I call her, lived until I was 37 so I had her for a loooooong time.</p><p></p><p>I really loved Sis a lot and I still do. But I know she is always a loose cannan with cop calling and invalidating my memories and I resent (cant help it) that neither sibling tried to tell my mother to lay off of me or to be nice to me. Or nicer. They both could have if they cared one wit about me.</p><p></p><p>They would probably say it was not their business but I would have done it for them. And I am content and very firm in my decision to stay away. I feel no point in continuing on.</p><p></p><p>Thanks as always for your friendship and insight. Bet you were a great psychologist <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Much love to you, my friend. Very much love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 743284, member: 1550"] Thanks Copa. You are so right it is scary. She was horrid to my brother too...made fun of his illness and did not invite him to her wedding because she was embarassed that he was "gross." I suspect her main reason for cuddling up to him later on was because my mother, who abused her as much as me when she was a kid, always worshipped my brother. If you werent nice to R. she held it against you. So Sis apologized to R. to gain Mother approval.... but couldnt have told R. the truth. It was an ugly truth. Just like she tells nobody that she likes to call the cops to teach me lessons. She left that part out when she talked about our relationship on another site. Heck for all I know she is still posting about me there and on Pintercrest. It has been months since I looked. I promised myself and you that I would not and I have lots of willpower. Funnily I share that cop story with everyone in my therapeutic community and they pretty much tell me she sounds very sick. She is. Her boyfriend situation is very unhealthy too. She has an inability to let go of anyone (even me) and I really dont want to enable her abusive relationship anymore. He will be in her life for the rest of her life because she refuses to leave this horrible man. Even if she marries I dont think she will dtop at least talking to him. She already kept cheating on a nice man who loved her. She has horrible problems in romantic relationships. She cant do them if the man is nice to her. And apparently cant leave men who are brutal to her. Sure, I wish the family I had as a child had been different. But it wasnt. I have that family now. Of course FOO issues creep up from time to time. But I never ever think it was my fault, like I used to. Just dysfunctional people who needed a scapegoat. So they picked me as I had difficult behaviors due to my challenges. I was "bad." My sister was the lost neglected child. I think that her role impacts you even more as an adult than being the scapegoat. Mean example, and my mothers decision: both of my siblings went to college, my brother for his Masters. They paid for his college. My sister had to take out loans. I forget why....other than the obvious favoritism. Isnt that mean? My mom was very unkind to my sister until she was nearly 30. I figure Sis kissed up to her then. You had to in order for her to treat you okay. I was sooooo lucky to have my grandma's neverending love or I could have been like my sister. My Grandma, or Mom as I call her, lived until I was 37 so I had her for a loooooong time. I really loved Sis a lot and I still do. But I know she is always a loose cannan with cop calling and invalidating my memories and I resent (cant help it) that neither sibling tried to tell my mother to lay off of me or to be nice to me. Or nicer. They both could have if they cared one wit about me. They would probably say it was not their business but I would have done it for them. And I am content and very firm in my decision to stay away. I feel no point in continuing on. Thanks as always for your friendship and insight. Bet you were a great psychologist :) Much love to you, my friend. Very much love. [/QUOTE]
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