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did you know that when difficult child..
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 233738" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Both my kids are the same. I think they are at such a loss of how to handle that dilema that they try to force the problem onto our plates. Instead of, "How can I help get myself out of this?" they are saying, "Who can I get to do this for me?"</p><p> </p><p>You know, your difficult child is old enough to see you as a person. I think it would be o.k. to actually say, "You are not to treat me like this. I am a person too. I try my best! It is time for you to show respect!" Take the focus off the lost item and put it on how he is treating you. Like marf_glass, try walking away. If he follows and keeps badgering say, "When you are able to calm down and ask me politely for help, then I will help you." Though I know that is very hard - my kids are both badgers. If I don't take their problem away from them, they will chase me down and keep trying to push it on to me. I usually end up saying, "You know, I really don't care if you don't find the item. I refuse to be treated like this so you can leave me out of it and get your F. You can tell the teacher whatever you want - see if she agrees it is my fault because YOU lost your work." Usually when I suggest my kids tell the teacher how rotten I am about loosing their work or it is my fault they didn't do it, it angers them. They know the teacher will not put up with that nonsense. </p><p> </p><p>So, in a nutshell, their behaviour in how they ask for help is more important at this point than receiving the help. That is how kids learn to badger and mistreat us. We look at the issue they want us to (the lost item) and tend to ignore the abuse going on. Your conversation like many of mine, "You lost it!" "No, I did not! It is YOUR responsibility, not your mom's." Then we help look, most likely while still screaming and hollering because there is a time issue involved. I wish I would have recognized this when non-easy child diva was younger. This IS their responsibility so we really don't have to help them find the item while being abused. We can make them take a break and address their lack of respect at the time.</p><p> </p><p>I believe my kids are bad at finding things because they have gotten into the habit that it doesn't matter where they put it, mom will find it when needed. They don't learn organizational skills of always having one place to put it so it is there when they need it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 233738, member: 5096"] Both my kids are the same. I think they are at such a loss of how to handle that dilema that they try to force the problem onto our plates. Instead of, "How can I help get myself out of this?" they are saying, "Who can I get to do this for me?" You know, your difficult child is old enough to see you as a person. I think it would be o.k. to actually say, "You are not to treat me like this. I am a person too. I try my best! It is time for you to show respect!" Take the focus off the lost item and put it on how he is treating you. Like marf_glass, try walking away. If he follows and keeps badgering say, "When you are able to calm down and ask me politely for help, then I will help you." Though I know that is very hard - my kids are both badgers. If I don't take their problem away from them, they will chase me down and keep trying to push it on to me. I usually end up saying, "You know, I really don't care if you don't find the item. I refuse to be treated like this so you can leave me out of it and get your F. You can tell the teacher whatever you want - see if she agrees it is my fault because YOU lost your work." Usually when I suggest my kids tell the teacher how rotten I am about loosing their work or it is my fault they didn't do it, it angers them. They know the teacher will not put up with that nonsense. So, in a nutshell, their behaviour in how they ask for help is more important at this point than receiving the help. That is how kids learn to badger and mistreat us. We look at the issue they want us to (the lost item) and tend to ignore the abuse going on. Your conversation like many of mine, "You lost it!" "No, I did not! It is YOUR responsibility, not your mom's." Then we help look, most likely while still screaming and hollering because there is a time issue involved. I wish I would have recognized this when non-easy child diva was younger. This IS their responsibility so we really don't have to help them find the item while being abused. We can make them take a break and address their lack of respect at the time. I believe my kids are bad at finding things because they have gotten into the habit that it doesn't matter where they put it, mom will find it when needed. They don't learn organizational skills of always having one place to put it so it is there when they need it. [/QUOTE]
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