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General Parenting
Difference between 13yo and 15yo??
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 343419" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>That's what I would like- I back up what the PO says and the PO backs up what I say, and some things are just the same, like curfew. But I haven't been able to get him to commit to anything so far except that difficult child will have a mentor and be on house arrest and have someone stopping by at unexpected times. difficult child knows of course that I won't condone breaking a rule from a PO, we just don't know what time the curfew will be, how long it lasts before changing to a later time, or any other thing else. I have told this PO that I need his backup but trying to micro-manage how I run the household doesn't help difficult child stay out of trouble or the last PO's efforts would have worked. He says he understands, but we just have to see how that really plays out.</p><p></p><p>The PO's here have a lot of leeway in choosing how they want things and I'm still trying to figure out how different, if at all, parole will be from probation. A probation officer has authority over the child and the parent. I think a parole officer puts more responsibility on the juvenile but can still put orders on the parent. I bring that up because it reflects in the relationship between the parties involved. So, until I know for sure if this PO is going to be more like difficult child's first probation officer (who did want the two of us discussing things and putting up a unified front), or the second (who'd tell difficult child I was too strict, then tell me over the phone to watch his every move or else I'd be breaking her order if he did anything wrong), or something in between, I've just been telling difficult child we have to wait to see.</p><p></p><p>I do expect difficult child to make more choices on his own at 15yo. It's just hard to gage exactly how much more and which ones when there is a year long gap between when he left and is coming back and since he's been living in a locked facility. For instance, if a child leaves home at 10 and comes back at 11, of course there will be differences but how do you know exactly which areas are strengths now and which still need more guidance until the child is back. (That's why I started this thread- to get some idea of how much freedom and responsibility is appropriate for a difficult child this age. He's obviously due more than a 13yo, but he's still not 18yo, so it's somewhere in between but where should that line be?) In Department of Juvenile Justice, they are watched and told what to do 24/7 so I am thinking this 30 day house arrest is probably a good thing so difficult child doesn't go completely wild upon release. He'll be happy to take a shower when he wants the first few weeks! LOL!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 343419, member: 3699"] That's what I would like- I back up what the PO says and the PO backs up what I say, and some things are just the same, like curfew. But I haven't been able to get him to commit to anything so far except that difficult child will have a mentor and be on house arrest and have someone stopping by at unexpected times. difficult child knows of course that I won't condone breaking a rule from a PO, we just don't know what time the curfew will be, how long it lasts before changing to a later time, or any other thing else. I have told this PO that I need his backup but trying to micro-manage how I run the household doesn't help difficult child stay out of trouble or the last PO's efforts would have worked. He says he understands, but we just have to see how that really plays out. The PO's here have a lot of leeway in choosing how they want things and I'm still trying to figure out how different, if at all, parole will be from probation. A probation officer has authority over the child and the parent. I think a parole officer puts more responsibility on the juvenile but can still put orders on the parent. I bring that up because it reflects in the relationship between the parties involved. So, until I know for sure if this PO is going to be more like difficult child's first probation officer (who did want the two of us discussing things and putting up a unified front), or the second (who'd tell difficult child I was too strict, then tell me over the phone to watch his every move or else I'd be breaking her order if he did anything wrong), or something in between, I've just been telling difficult child we have to wait to see. I do expect difficult child to make more choices on his own at 15yo. It's just hard to gage exactly how much more and which ones when there is a year long gap between when he left and is coming back and since he's been living in a locked facility. For instance, if a child leaves home at 10 and comes back at 11, of course there will be differences but how do you know exactly which areas are strengths now and which still need more guidance until the child is back. (That's why I started this thread- to get some idea of how much freedom and responsibility is appropriate for a difficult child this age. He's obviously due more than a 13yo, but he's still not 18yo, so it's somewhere in between but where should that line be?) In Department of Juvenile Justice, they are watched and told what to do 24/7 so I am thinking this 30 day house arrest is probably a good thing so difficult child doesn't go completely wild upon release. He'll be happy to take a shower when he wants the first few weeks! LOL! [/QUOTE]
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