Tish, I remember what this feels like.
I feel so badly for you.
MWM is right.
An AlAnon meeting will give you in person support, but more than that, it will give you a chance to see that every difficult child says the exact same things to whoever is trying to help them. No matter how they were raised, whether there was a strong religious background or whether there wasn't, whether the parents were divorced or whether they weren't, whether the difficult child was an only child, did or did not have a pet -- whatever the conditions of their upbringing, our difficult child children will exploit our love for them, our determination to be the best parents we know how to be to hurt us, and to bend us to their will.
It is the situation that is bad Tish.
Not you, not husband, and not even difficult child.
To MWM's really great take on things, I would add that your son is triangulating. His apparent hatred for husband isolates you and puts you in a more vulnerable position relative to difficult child.
I think you and husband need to face this together and tell difficult child so.
Like. ..no money and no nothing until you apologize to husband.
Like. ..whatever threats or accusations he makes, "That is your choice."
Your son is engaging in a pointless, hurtful power play where the only winner is him.
You raised him better than to do what he is doing, Tish.
Finally, that is what I told my son, too.
"You were raised better than to do what you are doing difficult child. I expect you to stand up and behave as the fine, strong, ethical man your father and I raised you to be. "
There really is nothing more than that to say, Tish. If difficult child were conducting himself as you raised him to, he would not be in this situation, now.
Adding abusing his parents or telling lies about how he was raised is the least helpful thing difficult child could do for himself.
Cedar
