Oh Tish, Oh Tish, Oh Tish,
Many times I relate to what others post on this forum but your latest story beats all others for that! Your son sounds exactly like my difficult child. He got somewhat nicer while incarcerated the last time. The first time he was in jail for four days or so and got word to us not to visit. But, years down the road, when he was incarcerated about 18 months, he was okay with a visit and letters. Phone calls ...he was usually nice, but not always. But, he never felt bad about asking his wicked, uncaring parents for money for his account and books from Amazon.
HOWEVER, between those stints of being locked up, and again, AFTER he got out the last time (about 7 years ago), what you describe your son as doing has been my difficult child's mode of operation. Oh my goodness. Totally our fault he was incarcerated. Very delusional about his childhood. In fact, his younger sister felt badly for him initially and was writing him while he was in jail. She stopped because his letters became scary delusional --- wanting her to share in his memories of their childhood. She never told us any specifics. She is a psychological examiner and does not scare easily when it comes to minds.
We treated the other two kids way better
We called him a "little liar" when he was six years old
He had to earn video game time by reading
We made him buy a used Volvo so he never learned how to date
He ended up incarcerated the last time because we refused to send him a little bit of money ($1000)
There are many, many more.
I very rarely stood up to him on any of these, thinking...well, not sure WHAT i thought. Guess, i thought difficult child was messed up because he believed those things and one day he would see things clearly. If i had to do it over again, I would have been an emphatic broken record, "That never happened."
I am so sorry. This is painful. I attribute my difficult child's hateful blame to antisocial behavior disorder, but concede there are likely other serious factors involved.
Stay close!
SS
