Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child 1 continues hostility from prison
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 632887" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>I understand what I need to do and I will do it, but still feel pain and question my judgement.But the seesaw of he loves us/he loves us not has to stop. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>MWM, this difficult child 1 was never the easiest kid because he was so socially awkward and self conscious due to Tourettes but he was sweet and very loving at one time.He would remember if there was a book you said you wanted to read or a tool my husband would say he needed to replace and yes, it would be under our Christmas tree even if we hadn't spoken about it for months. There still were incidents that made us scratch our heads, but overall he was a good and loving kid. The bipolar pulled the rug out from under all of us. He "smoked" in college but quit when all this started. Now he is anti medications. Your idea to set parameters for conversations is a good one. All we can do is try again. </p><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>Our son doesn't call as often as yours. This last time almost 1 year went by before calls. We don't get many chances to enforce rules and have him experience consequences. BUT, I can see the wisdom in doing so. I did state that to him in a letter, but is still too ill to process or remember the rules.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>SS, the list of offenses sounds so familiar. The things are so petty. We have references going back to kids leaving him out in preschool. It is ever-changing and ludicrous. Because of our extremely limited contact I have tried to just listen and let these accusations roll off our backs but I will try your advice next time this happens.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Janet thanks for sharing your experiences. You are so right. I am still trying to reason with him and it is physically impossible to do so. He is incapable of processing it. Since being mandated to take medications he is better, but way, way far away from well. As for hurting him back, no, never does it occur to me. I am usually so controlled in my demeanor with him, because of his irrationality. As angry as I am he is ill and did not cause or ask for this. I have the capacity to stay angry at someone for about 15 minutes. I think this is one of my problems, not advocating for myself and not being more self-protective. There are some people in my life that I really should go all "Billy Jack" on, but with my personality I suffer more than they do. I've always been like this and it is a birth family issue. I am working to change this with the help of a good therapeutic team and by going to Al-Anon and Nami meetings. As for Al-Anon, I have attended about 4 meetings and will continue. I belong there and it helps. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Wow. Cedar you anticipated my question about the divide and conquer tactic he uses. Triangulating! My sons have always said that it's not fair that husband and I back up and support each other in our approach to raising them. It was always a head scratcher for me as husband and I both came from homes where this was SO far from the case. Our folks would bad mouth the other and make them out to be the bad guy or idiots. Early in our marriage we vowed never to do that to each other and we haven't, much to the chagrin of our difficult child's. </p><p></p><p>MWM, the "Gaslighting" term is new to me and would apply in many cases. I'm going to be looking into that.</p><p></p><p>Ladies, Volvos, Taurus? LOL. Our kids got a Ford Escort to <em>share</em> with 132,000 miles on it. Imagine the psychic pain they felt over that. And yes, they wrecked it within months. That was the last time they drove our cars. Ever. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for the input as always. You've given me some great advice. husband and I are on the right path, but are still babies when it comes to executing some of the strategies here. We have to keep coming back to check the instruction manual.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 632887, member: 17103"] I understand what I need to do and I will do it, but still feel pain and question my judgement.But the seesaw of he loves us/he loves us not has to stop. MWM, this difficult child 1 was never the easiest kid because he was so socially awkward and self conscious due to Tourettes but he was sweet and very loving at one time.He would remember if there was a book you said you wanted to read or a tool my husband would say he needed to replace and yes, it would be under our Christmas tree even if we hadn't spoken about it for months. There still were incidents that made us scratch our heads, but overall he was a good and loving kid. The bipolar pulled the rug out from under all of us. He "smoked" in college but quit when all this started. Now he is anti medications. Your idea to set parameters for conversations is a good one. All we can do is try again. Our son doesn't call as often as yours. This last time almost 1 year went by before calls. We don't get many chances to enforce rules and have him experience consequences. BUT, I can see the wisdom in doing so. I did state that to him in a letter, but is still too ill to process or remember the rules. SS, the list of offenses sounds so familiar. The things are so petty. We have references going back to kids leaving him out in preschool. It is ever-changing and ludicrous. Because of our extremely limited contact I have tried to just listen and let these accusations roll off our backs but I will try your advice next time this happens. Janet thanks for sharing your experiences. You are so right. I am still trying to reason with him and it is physically impossible to do so. He is incapable of processing it. Since being mandated to take medications he is better, but way, way far away from well. As for hurting him back, no, never does it occur to me. I am usually so controlled in my demeanor with him, because of his irrationality. As angry as I am he is ill and did not cause or ask for this. I have the capacity to stay angry at someone for about 15 minutes. I think this is one of my problems, not advocating for myself and not being more self-protective. There are some people in my life that I really should go all "Billy Jack" on, but with my personality I suffer more than they do. I've always been like this and it is a birth family issue. I am working to change this with the help of a good therapeutic team and by going to Al-Anon and Nami meetings. As for Al-Anon, I have attended about 4 meetings and will continue. I belong there and it helps. Wow. Cedar you anticipated my question about the divide and conquer tactic he uses. Triangulating! My sons have always said that it's not fair that husband and I back up and support each other in our approach to raising them. It was always a head scratcher for me as husband and I both came from homes where this was SO far from the case. Our folks would bad mouth the other and make them out to be the bad guy or idiots. Early in our marriage we vowed never to do that to each other and we haven't, much to the chagrin of our difficult child's. MWM, the "Gaslighting" term is new to me and would apply in many cases. I'm going to be looking into that. Ladies, Volvos, Taurus? LOL. Our kids got a Ford Escort to [I]share[/I] with 132,000 miles on it. Imagine the psychic pain they felt over that. And yes, they wrecked it within months. That was the last time they drove our cars. Ever. Thanks for the input as always. You've given me some great advice. husband and I are on the right path, but are still babies when it comes to executing some of the strategies here. We have to keep coming back to check the instruction manual. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child 1 continues hostility from prison
Top