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difficult child 1 released from jail and now back in
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 655420" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Tish, welcome back to the forum. I'm glad for the good times you had with him---I think good times are a good sign that things may be changing, even if they "relapse" like your son did. For so long, there were NO good times at all. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This also worked for me. The phone wasn't good, too short, too unexpected, too erratic and too expensive (robbery). Through letters, I would get it all out---not a bunch of preaching---but my words of hope and encouragement and news about the family, send it off, and take a deep breath. I had spoken, and I had written. That was enough. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thankfully, this is a deal breaker for most of us. I used to wish, when I was at the end of my marriage, that my ex-husband had hit me or had an affair---something black and white and clean and clear. Then, there is no doubt. It's done. Same with difficult child. Living in the gray areas makes it harder, but once he stole from me, things became much clearer. And even after I kicked him out, somehow he got back in to steal more things until I put slide locks on the exterior doors and changed the garage door codes. I cried the entire time we did that, but it was necessary. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I can only imagine the shock physically and emotionally. Every time I would get this type of notification, either by Shreveport, LA flashing up on my phone or via an auto message, I would instantly feel physically ill, dizzy, nauseated, horrible. I'm just so sorry. Please know we have felt the same, and you are not alone here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this sentence. For most of us, relishing this moment of something good is all too fleeting and it's hard to relax into it and trust it. But we must. With ANYBODY, not just our difficult children, there are no guarantees of good times, warm times, connected times. With my older son right now, who is planning a wedding and buying a house at the same time, I feel very distant and disconnected. He is not a Difficult Child, but a easy child, but these times are strained. Hard times happen with all relationships, and relishing the good moments in each is a gift. I'm so glad you had some time to feel that and remember that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course you are. That's why jail phone calls can be awful. There is no call back, no time to say, but what? They're just gone, until they call again. I don't like that. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Tish, how far you have come and what great words these are for all of us. This is important stuff for every person at every step of the journey. What do I need? What do I want? What will make this moment the best I can make it? </p><p></p><p>Tish, keep going. Keep moving forward. He is where he put himself. He is where he needs to be. I know it's not what you wanted, or hoped for, and the PTSD of it all is awful. I still clench up when I see an unknown phone number flash up or hear a siren go by. I want to trust my son's better days as more permanent, but he's taught me well. I can't afford to relax into this right now. I feel like I still need to protect myself. Tish, keep us posted. </p><p></p><p>You can only do what is best for you and your husband. Your precious son will have to live life on life's terms, and accept the consequences of his own decisions. I'm so sorry. Warm hugs, Tish.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 655420, member: 17542"] Tish, welcome back to the forum. I'm glad for the good times you had with him---I think good times are a good sign that things may be changing, even if they "relapse" like your son did. For so long, there were NO good times at all. This also worked for me. The phone wasn't good, too short, too unexpected, too erratic and too expensive (robbery). Through letters, I would get it all out---not a bunch of preaching---but my words of hope and encouragement and news about the family, send it off, and take a deep breath. I had spoken, and I had written. That was enough. Thankfully, this is a deal breaker for most of us. I used to wish, when I was at the end of my marriage, that my ex-husband had hit me or had an affair---something black and white and clean and clear. Then, there is no doubt. It's done. Same with difficult child. Living in the gray areas makes it harder, but once he stole from me, things became much clearer. And even after I kicked him out, somehow he got back in to steal more things until I put slide locks on the exterior doors and changed the garage door codes. I cried the entire time we did that, but it was necessary. I can only imagine the shock physically and emotionally. Every time I would get this type of notification, either by Shreveport, LA flashing up on my phone or via an auto message, I would instantly feel physically ill, dizzy, nauseated, horrible. I'm just so sorry. Please know we have felt the same, and you are not alone here. I love this sentence. For most of us, relishing this moment of something good is all too fleeting and it's hard to relax into it and trust it. But we must. With ANYBODY, not just our difficult children, there are no guarantees of good times, warm times, connected times. With my older son right now, who is planning a wedding and buying a house at the same time, I feel very distant and disconnected. He is not a Difficult Child, but a easy child, but these times are strained. Hard times happen with all relationships, and relishing the good moments in each is a gift. I'm so glad you had some time to feel that and remember that. Of course you are. That's why jail phone calls can be awful. There is no call back, no time to say, but what? They're just gone, until they call again. I don't like that. Tish, how far you have come and what great words these are for all of us. This is important stuff for every person at every step of the journey. What do I need? What do I want? What will make this moment the best I can make it? Tish, keep going. Keep moving forward. He is where he put himself. He is where he needs to be. I know it's not what you wanted, or hoped for, and the PTSD of it all is awful. I still clench up when I see an unknown phone number flash up or hear a siren go by. I want to trust my son's better days as more permanent, but he's taught me well. I can't afford to relax into this right now. I feel like I still need to protect myself. Tish, keep us posted. You can only do what is best for you and your husband. Your precious son will have to live life on life's terms, and accept the consequences of his own decisions. I'm so sorry. Warm hugs, Tish. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child 1 released from jail and now back in
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