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difficult child 2 reacted violently with my niece...help
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 267351" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kids do impulsive things, especially when sufficiently provoked. A difficult child can be mor easily provoked, but even a easy child can be provoked to the point of surprising and dangerous violence.</p><p></p><p>A tale against myself - when I was 11 and just in high school, I was a lonely kid with few friends. I had one good friend who I really relied on for support. But I was a nerdy kid and a bit of a goody-goody. NOT cool. Then I got the unpopular job of ringing the school handbell when it was time to come into class after recess. My friend ditched me, very messily, very publicy, very nastily. I had the handbell in my hand and I slammed her with it in the head. Pure impulse. I instantly regretted it but I can still remember just how angry I was. In my life, I have only very rarely been that angry. A blood pressure reading at that instant would have been very interesting. I did get yelled at by a teacher but amazingly, no further repercussions. Maybe my ex-friend realised she had not exactly been blameless in provoking me. Maybe the teacher talked to other staff and found out a bit more. I don't know. I very nearly walked out of school and walked home, even though it would have been about 20 miles and truancy was unthinkable to me.</p><p></p><p>My point is - I was a easy child (pretty much), a fariyl conservative, law-abiding kid who was shy and a mouse. But I had been provoked in a matter of seconds to extreme violence.</p><p></p><p>It can happen to any kid, with enough provocation. A difficult child needs far less. And also a difficult child is likely to be far less mature, therefore needs supervision at a much higher level.</p><p></p><p>Forget the calendar. How does the child function?</p><p></p><p>Back to my story - I was not punished further, but I put my own management program in place to ensure no chance of repetition. I dealt with it by avoiding all contact with ex-friend as well as the 'friends' we had always sat with for lunch. Instead I stayed on my own, sat alone, read books and generally avoided associating with anyone likely to make me angry. I made new friends although they were the quieter, nerdy kids who were also loners. I found myself bullied a lot more, physically bashed, but I never hit anyone even in self-defence. However, I chose to not accept being bullied either, and insisted on reporting it directly to the principal every time, even though it meant (for a while) getting beaten up even more. Eventually the bullies were reported enough times to have earned first a suspension, then expulsion. A year or so later, we moved and I went to a new school. Very happy there, loads of friends, people I still am in touch with. Which all told me it wasn't me, it was them.</p><p></p><p>But I have never forgotten - the propensity for dangerous violence is inside every one of us. As I have grown older, I've learnt to control the anger and have successfully channeled it. I had to grow to a certain level of maturity to achieve this. It took time, it took experience and it would have been faster if I'd had support and supervision (partly to protect me form being over-provoked, partly to help me channel my anger and partly to protect others from my anger if it ever got out of control again).</p><p></p><p>That said - I do agree that this iincident needs to be noted, talked about with the top medical expert in your son's team and plans put in place to prevent any chance of recurrence. It IS dangerous. He needs to learn to control his anger, but he simply may not yet have the capability. A plan needs to be put in place to help him learn to recognise when he's getting out of control and to help himself with strategies to keep himself and others safe.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 267351, member: 1991"] Kids do impulsive things, especially when sufficiently provoked. A difficult child can be mor easily provoked, but even a easy child can be provoked to the point of surprising and dangerous violence. A tale against myself - when I was 11 and just in high school, I was a lonely kid with few friends. I had one good friend who I really relied on for support. But I was a nerdy kid and a bit of a goody-goody. NOT cool. Then I got the unpopular job of ringing the school handbell when it was time to come into class after recess. My friend ditched me, very messily, very publicy, very nastily. I had the handbell in my hand and I slammed her with it in the head. Pure impulse. I instantly regretted it but I can still remember just how angry I was. In my life, I have only very rarely been that angry. A blood pressure reading at that instant would have been very interesting. I did get yelled at by a teacher but amazingly, no further repercussions. Maybe my ex-friend realised she had not exactly been blameless in provoking me. Maybe the teacher talked to other staff and found out a bit more. I don't know. I very nearly walked out of school and walked home, even though it would have been about 20 miles and truancy was unthinkable to me. My point is - I was a easy child (pretty much), a fariyl conservative, law-abiding kid who was shy and a mouse. But I had been provoked in a matter of seconds to extreme violence. It can happen to any kid, with enough provocation. A difficult child needs far less. And also a difficult child is likely to be far less mature, therefore needs supervision at a much higher level. Forget the calendar. How does the child function? Back to my story - I was not punished further, but I put my own management program in place to ensure no chance of repetition. I dealt with it by avoiding all contact with ex-friend as well as the 'friends' we had always sat with for lunch. Instead I stayed on my own, sat alone, read books and generally avoided associating with anyone likely to make me angry. I made new friends although they were the quieter, nerdy kids who were also loners. I found myself bullied a lot more, physically bashed, but I never hit anyone even in self-defence. However, I chose to not accept being bullied either, and insisted on reporting it directly to the principal every time, even though it meant (for a while) getting beaten up even more. Eventually the bullies were reported enough times to have earned first a suspension, then expulsion. A year or so later, we moved and I went to a new school. Very happy there, loads of friends, people I still am in touch with. Which all told me it wasn't me, it was them. But I have never forgotten - the propensity for dangerous violence is inside every one of us. As I have grown older, I've learnt to control the anger and have successfully channeled it. I had to grow to a certain level of maturity to achieve this. It took time, it took experience and it would have been faster if I'd had support and supervision (partly to protect me form being over-provoked, partly to help me channel my anger and partly to protect others from my anger if it ever got out of control again). That said - I do agree that this iincident needs to be noted, talked about with the top medical expert in your son's team and plans put in place to prevent any chance of recurrence. It IS dangerous. He needs to learn to control his anger, but he simply may not yet have the capability. A plan needs to be put in place to help him learn to recognise when he's getting out of control and to help himself with strategies to keep himself and others safe. Marg [/QUOTE]
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