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difficult child and easy child
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<blockquote data-quote="Wiped Out" data-source="post: 235461" data-attributes="member: 1631"><p>Klmno-Thanks, sometimes we do go out, a lot of times we just sleep. I think easy child had an o.k. time, we didn't do anything special but she just relaxes more when he is out of the house. She just said it was a great time to hurt him.</p><p></p><p>Daisy-I agree that sometimes they need to go to different spots, of course, easy child has to get in her extra verbal shots on the way.</p><p></p><p>Susie-I like the chore idea, think I'll be trying that. Thanks for the book idea!</p><p></p><p>Heather-Sibling counseling is a good idea. We haven't been able to do it simply due to schedules and logistics but I'm thinking maybe this summer.</p><p></p><p>Sharon-I completely agree, she is old enough and it isn't acceptable. We did have a talk last night that I'll recap below.</p><p></p><p>Fran-I agree that easy child not liking difficult child is normal and at times she is very gfgish herself. Through counseling and by us she has been shown other ways to resolve conflict, she chooses not to use them. difficult child is mean to her at times, much more so when he was younger. He does worship the ground she walks on and also gives her tons of compliments. Interesting that you mentioned your easy child kind, giving, and tolerant of other difficult children, so is my easy child. </p><p></p><p>Last night husband and I went up to talk with easy child about her behavior after difficult child was asleep. She was very mean and defensive, husband finally had it and walked downstairs (he had it because apparently after easy child had watched the Columbine movie in school she told him she also felt sorry for the ones who had done the killings, that they had been bullied, etc... husband said if she could fine compassion for them then surely she could find some for her brother). </p><p></p><p>I stayed. I pointed out that they were both our children and that even though he has special needs it doesn't make him dumb or o.k. to treat him the way she does. At first she just kept screaming that he shouldn't act the way he is and he deserved it. She said he always acts like he can do things he can't. I explained that was a defense, no one wants to admit they can't read or do other things. </p><p></p><p>Also I told her that if anyone was treating her the way she treated difficult child we would not tolerate it anymore than we tolerate it from her, that if anyone treated her like that we would be in their face about it. We don't allow difficult child to treat easy child that way, he receives consequences just like she is.</p><p></p><p>I also explained some of the things that difficult child is really good at like empathizing with others. He is the first one to offer his only sucker to someone who doesn't have it, he'll take care of others all the time and try to make them feel better (if it isn't him who is causing the problem). I pointed out other positives. </p><p></p><p>In addition, I told her she could learn some things from him, that we can all learn things from one another, that I can learn from all of them. I told her what I can learn from her. </p><p></p><p>At that point at least, she stopped being nasty to me or trying to defend her actions. Don't know if the talk did any good but I'm hoping maybe some of it will sink in. </p><p></p><p>As always thank you all for your support. I don't know what I would do without all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wiped Out, post: 235461, member: 1631"] Klmno-Thanks, sometimes we do go out, a lot of times we just sleep. I think easy child had an o.k. time, we didn't do anything special but she just relaxes more when he is out of the house. She just said it was a great time to hurt him. Daisy-I agree that sometimes they need to go to different spots, of course, easy child has to get in her extra verbal shots on the way. Susie-I like the chore idea, think I'll be trying that. Thanks for the book idea! Heather-Sibling counseling is a good idea. We haven't been able to do it simply due to schedules and logistics but I'm thinking maybe this summer. Sharon-I completely agree, she is old enough and it isn't acceptable. We did have a talk last night that I'll recap below. Fran-I agree that easy child not liking difficult child is normal and at times she is very gfgish herself. Through counseling and by us she has been shown other ways to resolve conflict, she chooses not to use them. difficult child is mean to her at times, much more so when he was younger. He does worship the ground she walks on and also gives her tons of compliments. Interesting that you mentioned your easy child kind, giving, and tolerant of other difficult children, so is my easy child. Last night husband and I went up to talk with easy child about her behavior after difficult child was asleep. She was very mean and defensive, husband finally had it and walked downstairs (he had it because apparently after easy child had watched the Columbine movie in school she told him she also felt sorry for the ones who had done the killings, that they had been bullied, etc... husband said if she could fine compassion for them then surely she could find some for her brother). I stayed. I pointed out that they were both our children and that even though he has special needs it doesn't make him dumb or o.k. to treat him the way she does. At first she just kept screaming that he shouldn't act the way he is and he deserved it. She said he always acts like he can do things he can't. I explained that was a defense, no one wants to admit they can't read or do other things. Also I told her that if anyone was treating her the way she treated difficult child we would not tolerate it anymore than we tolerate it from her, that if anyone treated her like that we would be in their face about it. We don't allow difficult child to treat easy child that way, he receives consequences just like she is. I also explained some of the things that difficult child is really good at like empathizing with others. He is the first one to offer his only sucker to someone who doesn't have it, he'll take care of others all the time and try to make them feel better (if it isn't him who is causing the problem). I pointed out other positives. In addition, I told her she could learn some things from him, that we can all learn things from one another, that I can learn from all of them. I told her what I can learn from her. At that point at least, she stopped being nasty to me or trying to defend her actions. Don't know if the talk did any good but I'm hoping maybe some of it will sink in. As always thank you all for your support. I don't know what I would do without all of you. [/QUOTE]
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