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Substance Abuse
difficult child and life
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 576060" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Nancy,</p><p></p><p>You know I totally understand how hard this is... it can be just excruciating for you. And no she doesnt have the skills she needs, partly because of her personality issues and partly because of the substance abuse she did not go through normal maturation and learn them along the way as she should have. All that is true of my difficult child as well... so yes she needs some major life skills andn support.</p><p></p><p>I think as hard as it is, she is an adult and she does need to figure this out. You cannot do it for her. She needs treatment and yet she is not willing to stop her substance abuse and keeps on doing it, and as long as she is doing that I don't think anything you do will help her, it will only enable her to keep on doing what she is doing. She needs to really want to make some changes and she may need some more hard knocks before she gets there... and believe me I know how hard it is to watch them go through that. </p><p></p><p>I think if you are going to help her in any way it has to be on the condition that she gets help for herself. From what you have said I am not hearing her say she wants that. Yes she wants your help to help pay her rent, but I am not hearing her say she wants help to stop drinking or even that she really wants help figuring things out. Until she wants that I think you need to continue to wait it out... and keep finding ways to go on and enjoy your life (which is so so difficult when our beloved child is in such emotional trouble.)</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 576060, member: 15801"] Nancy, You know I totally understand how hard this is... it can be just excruciating for you. And no she doesnt have the skills she needs, partly because of her personality issues and partly because of the substance abuse she did not go through normal maturation and learn them along the way as she should have. All that is true of my difficult child as well... so yes she needs some major life skills andn support. I think as hard as it is, she is an adult and she does need to figure this out. You cannot do it for her. She needs treatment and yet she is not willing to stop her substance abuse and keeps on doing it, and as long as she is doing that I don't think anything you do will help her, it will only enable her to keep on doing what she is doing. She needs to really want to make some changes and she may need some more hard knocks before she gets there... and believe me I know how hard it is to watch them go through that. I think if you are going to help her in any way it has to be on the condition that she gets help for herself. From what you have said I am not hearing her say she wants that. Yes she wants your help to help pay her rent, but I am not hearing her say she wants help to stop drinking or even that she really wants help figuring things out. Until she wants that I think you need to continue to wait it out... and keep finding ways to go on and enjoy your life (which is so so difficult when our beloved child is in such emotional trouble.) TL [/QUOTE]
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