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Substance Abuse
difficult child and life
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 576329" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It sounds like you have taken some good steps. I strongly urge you to run her credit with her to get a true idea of what sort of debt she is in. It is often the ONLY way to get an accurate record of debt for someone in trouble. I learned this the hard way, with a husband who thought there was a credit fairy who would take care of all his credit card debt. Drove me nuts and we only did credit counseling when I said ti was that or divorce. When we married I promised I would NEVER use divorce as a threat unless I was completely serious about it. That was one of two times I have said that to my husband in over twenty years of marriage. So you have some idea how bad the financial stuff was. My husband was forty when this happened.</p><p></p><p>Would you and husband consider having difficult child work off not just the money but also do something to work off the advice? As adults, if we need info/advice/help, esp with financial or legal stuff, we must pay an attorney, CPA, therapist, etc.. for it. What you are teaching her is something that others PAY for. I am about two thousand percent sure that difficult child looks at some of it as koi parents say when they don't have a clue about the real world. She is stuck in early teenage maturity, in my opinion, and that is just how they feel about anything their parents say when it conflicts with what they want to be the truth/real/how to do things. If someone not her parents told her this stuff, she might actually come to you and say "guess what I learned, how is it that you never learned this?" when you have said the exact same thing for years if not decades.</p><p></p><p>One way that difficult child will start to really value what you have said is if she must EARN it. Not the day to day parent stuff, but the in depth, how to deal iwth creditors/life/budget/prioritizing. Make her work off an amt that a client would have to pay your husband for his help. make her work off an amt for the time you spent teaching her these things another time. Often we don't really value what we get for free, only what we have to work hard for, Know what I mean?? It is a thought anyway.</p><p></p><p>I hope that some of this sinks in. I wish she would accept her sub abuse issues are at the root of all of this, but I think you are a ways off from that, sadly. I do hope that you don't let helping difficult child drain your resources or time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 576329, member: 1233"] It sounds like you have taken some good steps. I strongly urge you to run her credit with her to get a true idea of what sort of debt she is in. It is often the ONLY way to get an accurate record of debt for someone in trouble. I learned this the hard way, with a husband who thought there was a credit fairy who would take care of all his credit card debt. Drove me nuts and we only did credit counseling when I said ti was that or divorce. When we married I promised I would NEVER use divorce as a threat unless I was completely serious about it. That was one of two times I have said that to my husband in over twenty years of marriage. So you have some idea how bad the financial stuff was. My husband was forty when this happened. Would you and husband consider having difficult child work off not just the money but also do something to work off the advice? As adults, if we need info/advice/help, esp with financial or legal stuff, we must pay an attorney, CPA, therapist, etc.. for it. What you are teaching her is something that others PAY for. I am about two thousand percent sure that difficult child looks at some of it as koi parents say when they don't have a clue about the real world. She is stuck in early teenage maturity, in my opinion, and that is just how they feel about anything their parents say when it conflicts with what they want to be the truth/real/how to do things. If someone not her parents told her this stuff, she might actually come to you and say "guess what I learned, how is it that you never learned this?" when you have said the exact same thing for years if not decades. One way that difficult child will start to really value what you have said is if she must EARN it. Not the day to day parent stuff, but the in depth, how to deal iwth creditors/life/budget/prioritizing. Make her work off an amt that a client would have to pay your husband for his help. make her work off an amt for the time you spent teaching her these things another time. Often we don't really value what we get for free, only what we have to work hard for, Know what I mean?? It is a thought anyway. I hope that some of this sinks in. I wish she would accept her sub abuse issues are at the root of all of this, but I think you are a ways off from that, sadly. I do hope that you don't let helping difficult child drain your resources or time. [/QUOTE]
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