We've told her often that we are willing to help her if she is doing her part, if she is helping herself. When she is working and paying her bills we are willing to help to a point. Her wages this year were next to nothing so the fact that she has been able to pay her rent all year and not get kicked out and find enough food to not starve is surprising. We have often said to each other that we feel awful that she was born with so many strikes against her. It's not an excuse but she doesn't think like we do, and it has been this way since the beginning.
We knew in second grade that something terrible was wrong. They can't look inside her brain and see faulty wiring but if they could they would have seen it in her. She wasn't trying to be bad at age two and four and seven. That's what happens when your birthmother drinks during pregnancy and the parts of the brain that control impulse and thought are not developed properly. The hope was that through our guidance and love and security she would be able to develop those parts of the brain but that didn't happen. In fact her actions today are so similar to her birthmother's that it is frightening. We still have hope that something we are doing, some of the guidance we are giving her will help.
And so we pull back and cut off contact with her when she is not helping herself and try to offer help when she is.
