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Substance Abuse
difficult child and life
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 576516" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Nancy,</p><p></p><p>I have been thinking a lot about you and this thread. I totally totally agree that as parents we can and should help them when they are trying to help themselves. That is definitely been my mantra and my actions with my gig. When he is looking to help himself I am willing to help him.... on the other side of the coin when he is not then I am willing to let him fall and fall he did.</p><p></p><p>I think it makes perfect sense for you to help your difficult child figure out a budget, how to deal with creditors, and how to put herself on a payment plan. I also understand your wanting to help her by loaning her the money to get out of her financial trouble. </p><p></p><p>My concern is that I havent heard (and maybe I am missing something) you say that she is really trying to help herself with either her mental health issues or her substance abuse issues. That worries me and I am afraid you will get burned once again by her using the money for things other than you intended them for. Or she will get a job but then use her earnings for her fun rather than to pay you back. And you probably know all of this and if you do recognize this and still want to choose to help her out this time then I totally get that and support you in doing so.... but it worries me.</p><p></p><p>It worries me partly because our difficult children are so similar in so many ways. </p><p></p><p>Hugs, </p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 576516, member: 15801"] Nancy, I have been thinking a lot about you and this thread. I totally totally agree that as parents we can and should help them when they are trying to help themselves. That is definitely been my mantra and my actions with my gig. When he is looking to help himself I am willing to help him.... on the other side of the coin when he is not then I am willing to let him fall and fall he did. I think it makes perfect sense for you to help your difficult child figure out a budget, how to deal with creditors, and how to put herself on a payment plan. I also understand your wanting to help her by loaning her the money to get out of her financial trouble. My concern is that I havent heard (and maybe I am missing something) you say that she is really trying to help herself with either her mental health issues or her substance abuse issues. That worries me and I am afraid you will get burned once again by her using the money for things other than you intended them for. Or she will get a job but then use her earnings for her fun rather than to pay you back. And you probably know all of this and if you do recognize this and still want to choose to help her out this time then I totally get that and support you in doing so.... but it worries me. It worries me partly because our difficult children are so similar in so many ways. Hugs, TL [/QUOTE]
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