Mrs. McNear thank you, that's what I needed to hear. I told her I was proud of her and that she made a very good choice to remove the tongue piercing and that all I wanted was for her to be able to take care of herself in a responsible manner and that her dad and I loved her always.
SS I am not giving up, I do believe she can make much more progress than her bm, otherwise I would give up and not try so hard. And I do believe it will take many repetitive lessons for her to finally get it. I am looking into some kind of life skills counselor and/or training for her, thanks for the adhd suggestion.