difficult child and school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, May 7, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    This morning, difficult child was stressing about choir and a concert coming up. She said that in one of the songs, they go in to smaller groups, but no one would let her in their group so she just stands in the back by herself. I sent the choir teacher an email that she had a problem with some of the girls, and I was sure the feelings were probably mutual, and that I knew she could be somewhat of a drama addict herself. Then after the class the school nurse called and difficult child was sick with no fever but throwing up. So I brought her home. In the meantime I got his email, and he said that first, she asked if she could be late to class to walk a friend to her class first. He said no. Then she pretty much spent the rest of the time lying on the floor, under a table. I don't know if he asked her why... or not. Anyway, at the beginning of the next class, she was sick.

    He made it pretty clear that her behavior is probably the cause of her not getting along with rest of the girls in the class.

    I did email him back and let him know about the neurospych testing coming up after school. And that I was hoping to gain some insight on how to best help difficult child in school. I tried to explain the possibility of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and /or bipolar, which runs on the moms side of the family. I also told him how the school has been unwilling to help us because they feel she is capable based on her IQ, but I think there are some defiencies in executive functions. I have been trying to get help since about 4th grade... and she is now in 9th. And getting f's and Ds in the majority of the classes.

    Just so frustrated. But we have two more weeks of school so trying to tough it out. KSM
    Last edited: May 7, 2013
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I guess I just feel like I am treading water and trying not to drown. I don't know if I should have told the choir teacher all that or not. But I am afraid he will not want her in one of the choirs next year. The student has to audition for the choirs, and when she applies herself, she really has a lovely voice. But her attitude might get her kicked out of choir. Either that or she would be put in the beginners choir for 10th grade which she would probably quit as she was put in the next to the top choir as a 9th grader. Maybe that is one of the problems, she was put in at 9th grade and most girls took two years to make it to this level of choir.

    She doesn't do sports, she doesnt excel academically, she wouldn't sign up for any clubs so basically she wouldnt' have anything next year. Plus she may have to take algebra over as she is failing the last trimester, but she will have to repeat all three trimesters next year if she fails the last one. I just wish I could do something... KSM
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    been there done that. And... it's SO tough when they go into HS without proper dxes and IEPs and accommodations and all the other stuff they need. Even a NT/easy child kid has a major problem transitioning into HS.

    You desperately need to get the diagnosis... and the IEP to go with it. SO that being in choir can be part of the IEP - one of the things she needs - but with appropriate accommodations to handle her issues. If they can do it for a downs kid in band (they do that here... give him the simple percussion stuff like triangle and box... and an aide to queue timing)... then they can do it for a GOOD singer with "other" issues. (in my opinion... I'm on the kid's side... usually)

    Our difficult children' needs grow faster than the accommodations, etc. can keep up... at the best of times!!
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you! I feel like I'm treading water most of the time, too.
    I'm so sorry that you're still waiting for tests, and that she doesn't have the proper accommodations. How frustrating!
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    school just got worse, much worse. difficult child came home from school yesterday and told me about an incidence in choir class. As she was going in to class, one of the girls was outside the class with a bunch of other girls from the class, and 4 or 5 had pulled out their phones to video tape the confrontation. The older (senior) girl tried to start a fight with her and accused her of saying things about her. difficult child talked her way out of it and went on in to the class thinking it would be safer there - but the teacher wasn't there. The threatening continued until another girl kindof stepped in and told the others to back off. The choir teacher was late getting to class (as there is a concert tomorrow night and he was getting props for it) so difficult child got up and left, cooled off, then went to the principals office. Then went on to her next class. After school, she went b ack to the choir class and talked to choir teacher and he was unaware of what had happened. difficult child doesn't want to stay in that class any more and he is suggesting she be put in another class (wouldn't be choir as he is the only teacher) He did call me last night and told me he would be "working" on this today. By the time he was aware of this, all the others involved had left the school for the day. I did email him back and asked that if she was just being put in a class to kill the next 10 days, then I would prefer it was a class that she could work on or get help in algebra or computer applications. She has those two classes she is failing. He said he would not dock her grade for the trimester and she would be placed in a different choir group next year.

    I am just so mad and frustrated. All it takes is for one teen girl to say to another teen girl that someone said she was fat and then it goes downhill the rest of the year. difficult child says she didn't talk bad about this girl... I don't know whether she did or not. She also said that this girl made her choir trip miserable last weekend.

    I looked back over the emails I had sent to the choir teacher and probably three times I had emailed him to let him know that difficult child was having problems with some girls. I don't think he took it seriously. I will be calling the school later this morning. I am glad that this school year is almost over - but I don't want to deal with this for the next three years. difficult child has no insight in to why these type of things keep happening. And gets upset when I try to talk to her. KSM
  6. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    :hugs: I'm so sorry this is happening. And from all the classes in one that most likely makes her feel good and would be very positive experience for her.

    It is so very frustrating because, yes, they are doing it for themselves. They are behaving socially improper way and while the others may be in a wrong with ways they confront that, it will still keep happening from environment to another. Especially when they are tweens or teens, because that 'proper way' is so very narrow kid needs really good social skills to stay on that and it is often impossible to explain. Or even adult to really grasp. And there they are, our kids like blind people middle of construction work site, all holes in the ground everywhere around, stuff lying around, sharp and dangerous objects and somehow they are left there to survive on their own. And when they don't, it's their fault, because they are dumb or a**hole or d**k or whatever. And everytime they fall, they will feel bit worse of themselves.
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Just sent the choir teacher and principal a joint email... I had left a voice mail for the principal before 8:30am as he was in a meeting. The choir teacher had called me last night and said he would be "working on the situation" today. Here it is 12:15 and neither has called or emailed. I don't know where they had her spend 3rd hour at today or where she will be for the rest of the school year. I also put in the email for the principal that we had a 504 that was drawn up at the end of 8th grade and I would like to know how or if they had implimented it for this school year.

    So frustrated. husband is a school bus driver and he picks up at the high school, so he left early and is going to go to the office before he starts his route. Glad that he is doing it - as I feel like I have been the only one working towards helping difficult child survive school. KSM