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difficult child apartment hunting & other stuff
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 113132" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Hi Jo,</p><p>your dtr and mine are so similar sounding but mine finally "grew up" when she got desperate enough--I, too, did not see how she could make it on her own but I did let go and she did manage.</p><p></p><p>We also come from middle class backgrounds and provided difficult child with a stable home life, felt education was important, etc. She was always attracted to people from unstable backgrounds with many problems. I think she would try to pass herself off as street smart and tough but it wasn't very believable--for one thing she has good grammar and has a good vocabulary despite every other word being a swear word!</p><p></p><p>I actually think it would be good if your difficult child found a way to move out and get a taste of the real world. I had to kick mine out and she had to stay at a Red Cross shelter with boyfriend for awhile since they had no money or jobs but eventually she figured out a way to survive. She had no idea how difficult life would be on her own--she has told me many times that she thought life would be so great when she was 18 and could move out and then she found out what a struggle it was and how much things cost, etc. She works as an exotic dancer because she says she couldn't make it on her minimum wage job at Dunkin' Donuts. She says she is saving money for college--who knows?</p><p>I guess I could feel guilty and that it is my fault--after all, she is only 19 and I have withdrawn all financial support and forced her to work as a stripper. But my outlook is that she was never going to take responsibility for her own life til she was forced to and now she is having to live with the consequences of her choices. The thing is, though, she is so much happier now than she ever was as a kid or teen. She likes being in charge of her own life even if it is a struggle. We relate to each other as adults now and there is no animosity or blame--she is very respectful towards me and takes nothing for granted. I really like her a lot now and I disliked her for so many years when she lived with me.</p><p></p><p>Well, enough of my rambling, I agree with the others--let her dream and plan and try to get an apt. I can't imagine it will be easy to do but maybe she and boyfriend will find a way. I do think she needs to be on her own before she will change. When my dtr was at home she was supposed to be getting a job and/or going to community college. She did neither--her attempts at doing so were very half-hearted. She was perfectly happy to pretend to be looking for jobs in between partying with her friends and seeing her various boyfriends. She was so entitled it made me sick--that is when I kicked her out.</p><p></p><p>Good luck!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 113132, member: 3450"] Hi Jo, your dtr and mine are so similar sounding but mine finally "grew up" when she got desperate enough--I, too, did not see how she could make it on her own but I did let go and she did manage. We also come from middle class backgrounds and provided difficult child with a stable home life, felt education was important, etc. She was always attracted to people from unstable backgrounds with many problems. I think she would try to pass herself off as street smart and tough but it wasn't very believable--for one thing she has good grammar and has a good vocabulary despite every other word being a swear word! I actually think it would be good if your difficult child found a way to move out and get a taste of the real world. I had to kick mine out and she had to stay at a Red Cross shelter with boyfriend for awhile since they had no money or jobs but eventually she figured out a way to survive. She had no idea how difficult life would be on her own--she has told me many times that she thought life would be so great when she was 18 and could move out and then she found out what a struggle it was and how much things cost, etc. She works as an exotic dancer because she says she couldn't make it on her minimum wage job at Dunkin' Donuts. She says she is saving money for college--who knows? I guess I could feel guilty and that it is my fault--after all, she is only 19 and I have withdrawn all financial support and forced her to work as a stripper. But my outlook is that she was never going to take responsibility for her own life til she was forced to and now she is having to live with the consequences of her choices. The thing is, though, she is so much happier now than she ever was as a kid or teen. She likes being in charge of her own life even if it is a struggle. We relate to each other as adults now and there is no animosity or blame--she is very respectful towards me and takes nothing for granted. I really like her a lot now and I disliked her for so many years when she lived with me. Well, enough of my rambling, I agree with the others--let her dream and plan and try to get an apt. I can't imagine it will be easy to do but maybe she and boyfriend will find a way. I do think she needs to be on her own before she will change. When my dtr was at home she was supposed to be getting a job and/or going to community college. She did neither--her attempts at doing so were very half-hearted. She was perfectly happy to pretend to be looking for jobs in between partying with her friends and seeing her various boyfriends. She was so entitled it made me sick--that is when I kicked her out. Good luck! Jane [/QUOTE]
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