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Parent Emeritus
difficult child, College, and Responsibility
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 595364" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Stressbunny, welcome back. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son, however, I'm glad you've found us again. Your son does sound like many of our difficult child's, impulsive, entitled, not responsible for his behavior, superior, lacking in empathy, no ability to future think. Sigh. I can understand your worry. </p><p></p><p>It does sound as if you have a plan of action in place, the hard part is implementing it, making sure that if your goals aren't met that you in fact pull the financial plug. It appears that many of our kids do not learn much while we are taking care of all of their needs. And, truthfully, many of them don't learn once we stop. </p><p></p><p>My best advice to you is to get yourself in environments of support for YOU and your husband. Find a therapist, counselor, parent groups, a place you can go to get help and understanding for you, to get tools and options, support and direction..........this is a hard road and wears parents out. There is an article on detachment at the bottom of my post, it's very good. Your son is in a very challenging transition, but it is a transition for you as well, perhaps much harder on you because you will need to learn to enforce strong boundaries and rules. You will need to identify what you can live with and what you can't and then communicate that to your son, with very clear boundaries and consequences. And, you have to be willing to act on those consequences which is one of the most difficult things to do when they face homelessness because of their own choices. </p><p></p><p>I hope your son is not like his mother and that his failure to launch is temporary and he does in fact do well in his new choice of study. In the meantime stick with your plan, get support for yourself, take very good care of YOU, really nourish yourself because this all takes a large toll on us and our other relationships too. Sending along wishes for peace and guidance to all the perfect solutions.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 595364, member: 13542"] Stressbunny, welcome back. I'm sorry you are going through this with your son, however, I'm glad you've found us again. Your son does sound like many of our difficult child's, impulsive, entitled, not responsible for his behavior, superior, lacking in empathy, no ability to future think. Sigh. I can understand your worry. It does sound as if you have a plan of action in place, the hard part is implementing it, making sure that if your goals aren't met that you in fact pull the financial plug. It appears that many of our kids do not learn much while we are taking care of all of their needs. And, truthfully, many of them don't learn once we stop. My best advice to you is to get yourself in environments of support for YOU and your husband. Find a therapist, counselor, parent groups, a place you can go to get help and understanding for you, to get tools and options, support and direction..........this is a hard road and wears parents out. There is an article on detachment at the bottom of my post, it's very good. Your son is in a very challenging transition, but it is a transition for you as well, perhaps much harder on you because you will need to learn to enforce strong boundaries and rules. You will need to identify what you can live with and what you can't and then communicate that to your son, with very clear boundaries and consequences. And, you have to be willing to act on those consequences which is one of the most difficult things to do when they face homelessness because of their own choices. I hope your son is not like his mother and that his failure to launch is temporary and he does in fact do well in his new choice of study. In the meantime stick with your plan, get support for yourself, take very good care of YOU, really nourish yourself because this all takes a large toll on us and our other relationships too. Sending along wishes for peace and guidance to all the perfect solutions....... [/QUOTE]
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