Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child, College, and Responsibility
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="stressbunny" data-source="post: 595365"><p>Thank you! </p><p></p><p>I will read the article you included. I think I am having a terrible time detaching from difficult child. Though his behavior is exasperating, I am plagued with guilt about letting him fail. I want to rescue him from himself.</p><p></p><p>I do feel quite depleted emotionally and physically. He really has no clue how his behaviors/choices affect his parents. Once, his second grade teacher told me that JT was being so disruptive in class, due to his ADHD, but he was blissfully unaffected compared to others around him. And that is true to this day. So, until JT's problems become JT's problems, I guess we should expect that from him. I wish I could trust JT to make good decisions.</p><p></p><p>My hubby is able to detach more emotionally. He sees this as a process, as though we're on step 2 of the process now. At the end of the process, JT is going to be responsible for himself, one way or another. I'm too connected to the outcome. I think I need to accept that the outcome may not be as I had hoped. And, that is the hard part for me. I want to jump in and fix things for JT.</p><p></p><p>If JT failed a class and came to me, humbled and concerned, that would be one thing. But, he never even talks about his classes unless I ask. And then, he likes to brag about how he thinks he knows more than the instructors (grinds me because I am an instructor and recognize his lack of respect and fantasy thinking). Or, if he's not doing well in a class, it's by choice or because the class isn't worthy of his efforts, etc. It is ridiculous! He is a legend in his own mind! People talk about the teen rebellion years, but JT was rebelling from day one. From day one, he argued with me, and refused to take any sort of help or direction. He would correct me, i.e. if I said "jelly", he'd say I was wrong; that it was "jam". Whatever! At four years old, he insisted his walkie talkie would work from miles away, and no one could convince him otherwise. As a 10-year-old, he told an experienced farmer that he knew everything there was to know about tractors. And, he told a pastor, originally from Colorado, all sorts of things about Colorado, though he'd never been there himself. At 12, he told me he could do my college statistics course (not true). I know this sounds like it is just annoying, but it's more than that. He really believes the things he says, I think. He actually thinks he can do ANYTHING, despite reality. </p><p></p><p>He has never allowed me to really be a parent. He has always wanted to be my equal, as though there is no difference between an adult and child or a parent and child. There was never respect for our position as parents. And, that's hard. Whereas some kids want to be like their mom and dad, he never has. In fact, if anything, he tries to be anything but like us. If we wanted to go for a walk, he'd never walk with us. He had to walk in front of us. He's never bought a gift or cleaned the house, or done anything nice to surprise us - ever - never.</p><p></p><p>Most conversations with him include a lengthy brag session on his part about how superior he is to just about everyone. His interests are narrow - fishing, motors, and fire protection. And, he thinks he is the best at all of them. He makes fun of how his dad is not mechanically inclined. He puts down others with condescending remarks. He insults my car (a Toyota RAV4, which I purchased new). He insults the truck we bought him, a used Ford Ranger (the model he wanted). Sometimes I point out that he is boasting and that it's a turn-off to listen to, and he tells me that it's not bragging if it's true. He also says that he generally brags the most to hubby and me, which is interesting that he's trying to impress, I guess.</p><p></p><p>All this hard work parenting, and I feel so much disappointment and hurt at times.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressbunny, post: 595365"] Thank you! I will read the article you included. I think I am having a terrible time detaching from difficult child. Though his behavior is exasperating, I am plagued with guilt about letting him fail. I want to rescue him from himself. I do feel quite depleted emotionally and physically. He really has no clue how his behaviors/choices affect his parents. Once, his second grade teacher told me that JT was being so disruptive in class, due to his ADHD, but he was blissfully unaffected compared to others around him. And that is true to this day. So, until JT's problems become JT's problems, I guess we should expect that from him. I wish I could trust JT to make good decisions. My hubby is able to detach more emotionally. He sees this as a process, as though we're on step 2 of the process now. At the end of the process, JT is going to be responsible for himself, one way or another. I'm too connected to the outcome. I think I need to accept that the outcome may not be as I had hoped. And, that is the hard part for me. I want to jump in and fix things for JT. If JT failed a class and came to me, humbled and concerned, that would be one thing. But, he never even talks about his classes unless I ask. And then, he likes to brag about how he thinks he knows more than the instructors (grinds me because I am an instructor and recognize his lack of respect and fantasy thinking). Or, if he's not doing well in a class, it's by choice or because the class isn't worthy of his efforts, etc. It is ridiculous! He is a legend in his own mind! People talk about the teen rebellion years, but JT was rebelling from day one. From day one, he argued with me, and refused to take any sort of help or direction. He would correct me, i.e. if I said "jelly", he'd say I was wrong; that it was "jam". Whatever! At four years old, he insisted his walkie talkie would work from miles away, and no one could convince him otherwise. As a 10-year-old, he told an experienced farmer that he knew everything there was to know about tractors. And, he told a pastor, originally from Colorado, all sorts of things about Colorado, though he'd never been there himself. At 12, he told me he could do my college statistics course (not true). I know this sounds like it is just annoying, but it's more than that. He really believes the things he says, I think. He actually thinks he can do ANYTHING, despite reality. He has never allowed me to really be a parent. He has always wanted to be my equal, as though there is no difference between an adult and child or a parent and child. There was never respect for our position as parents. And, that's hard. Whereas some kids want to be like their mom and dad, he never has. In fact, if anything, he tries to be anything but like us. If we wanted to go for a walk, he'd never walk with us. He had to walk in front of us. He's never bought a gift or cleaned the house, or done anything nice to surprise us - ever - never. Most conversations with him include a lengthy brag session on his part about how superior he is to just about everyone. His interests are narrow - fishing, motors, and fire protection. And, he thinks he is the best at all of them. He makes fun of how his dad is not mechanically inclined. He puts down others with condescending remarks. He insults my car (a Toyota RAV4, which I purchased new). He insults the truck we bought him, a used Ford Ranger (the model he wanted). Sometimes I point out that he is boasting and that it's a turn-off to listen to, and he tells me that it's not bragging if it's true. He also says that he generally brags the most to hubby and me, which is interesting that he's trying to impress, I guess. All this hard work parenting, and I feel so much disappointment and hurt at times. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
difficult child, College, and Responsibility
Top