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Parent Emeritus
difficult child, College, and Responsibility
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 595438" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I don't think he sounds that far out of the average range for a college kid in the grades and disorganization department. As you have said, many are like him. </p><p></p><p>The attitude is another thing. I believe some kids are arrogant and talk a good game about how superior they are to others...some are really arrogant and others are just pretending. Either way, I agree that there is little you can do to change it. </p><p></p><p>If he had a very chaotic time in his first three years, with multiple caregivers and change, he could have a form of attachment disorder. Many, many, many foster children who are eventually adopted do have different forms of attachment problems. Because of their poor experience with adults, they never do "get" the "adults should be respected" bit. I adopted a six year old who never wanted to be with us...obviously his situation (living in an orphanage) affected his ability to attach. He never really did. JT doesn't sound as extreme, but his aloofness could be because of his early years, if indeed they were very inconsistent in the caregiving department. That would not be your fault and you can't fix it with love although just getting him to college is a testimonial to you and hub's good influence on him. Most foster adoptees I know never made it to college and many end up in jail.</p><p></p><p>Sorry you felt the need to come back here again and hope you can learn detachment. Sometimes it is necessary. Sounds as if you are a very loving mother and he is lucky to have you, even if he doesn't realize it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 595438, member: 1550"] I don't think he sounds that far out of the average range for a college kid in the grades and disorganization department. As you have said, many are like him. The attitude is another thing. I believe some kids are arrogant and talk a good game about how superior they are to others...some are really arrogant and others are just pretending. Either way, I agree that there is little you can do to change it. If he had a very chaotic time in his first three years, with multiple caregivers and change, he could have a form of attachment disorder. Many, many, many foster children who are eventually adopted do have different forms of attachment problems. Because of their poor experience with adults, they never do "get" the "adults should be respected" bit. I adopted a six year old who never wanted to be with us...obviously his situation (living in an orphanage) affected his ability to attach. He never really did. JT doesn't sound as extreme, but his aloofness could be because of his early years, if indeed they were very inconsistent in the caregiving department. That would not be your fault and you can't fix it with love although just getting him to college is a testimonial to you and hub's good influence on him. Most foster adoptees I know never made it to college and many end up in jail. Sorry you felt the need to come back here again and hope you can learn detachment. Sometimes it is necessary. Sounds as if you are a very loving mother and he is lucky to have you, even if he doesn't realize it. [/QUOTE]
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