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difficult child, College, and Responsibility
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<blockquote data-quote="stressbunny" data-source="post: 595509"><p>I appreciate everyone's thoughts.</p><p></p><p>JT did have a rough start in life. Though he wasn't physically abused, he was seriously neglected, and he had many caregivers in his first two years of life. He seemed attached to his last caregiver, an aunt, whom he lived with until he came to us in foster care. Being removed from her home abruptly and placed with us was extremely traumatic for him. I remember that he sat on the couch with his little arms crossed and his brow wrinkled, refusing to do anything. He was so mad and wanted to go home. It breaks my heart thinking about it, and I wish the foster care agency would have created a better transition period for him. No wonder he saw us as the enemy.</p><p></p><p>I have read a lot and understand about attachment disorder. JT very well may have that issue. Throughout childhood, he has wanted to be his own man, and as I mentioned, he behaved like a rebellious teen at a young age, to the point that when he became a teen, things actually seemed easier than they had been. I think he puffs (brags) about himself because it is some sort of defense mechanism for his ego. He does this most around hubby and me. </p><p></p><p>JT knows of his birthmom and actually remembers a lot of what happened to him. I know this is hard to believe, but he has shared things with me from very early in his life - like having to sleep in a doll-sized bed; broken glass all over the floor, and an abusive boyfriend of his bmom's.</p><p></p><p>Unlike his birthmom, JT is very bright, intellectually. He reads books non-stop and absorbs information like a sponge. He is very creative and funny. He is outgoing and physically hard working. In high school, he never got involved with alcohol, drugs, or smoking. JT has a big interest in mechanical stuff, and he has taken every industrial arts course possible in high school. He joined our local fire department as a volunteer, after he completed two certification classes at age 18, while still in high school. He is very proud of this fact.</p><p></p><p>Our biggest problems with JT have to do with his impulsive and irresponsible behavior, as well as his lack of gratitude and respect. We are not in the 1%, but we do have a comfortable life, financially, and JT definitely takes that for granted. He doesn't realize how lucky he is that way. He also regularly rejects what we say, and he ends up learning the hard way.</p><p></p><p>His EMT class starts today, and he hadn't accessed his college e-mail and pre-assignment last week like he should have, although he claims he didn't think to check to see if he had an e-mail account at the new college. He also told my hubby that he thinks he failed one of his education classes at the university for this past semester. Granted, it is not a course he needs to transfer, however, we had agreed that regardless, we expected him to get a "C" or better in all of his classes. </p><p></p><p>The problem is that he has great difficulty regulating himself and his time. Studying requires so much self discipline, and though he really wants to become a fire medic, I'm not sure he will be able to manage the effort required to get there. Novelty wears off very quickly for him. I believe he is capable, and I hope the technical college setting will be a better fit for him. Universities tend not to assess early and frequently. Instead, there are just a few large assessments in classes (a project or paper or two, and then a mid-term and final). At the technical college, the program is shorter too, and the classes are smaller, with more hands-on learning. </p><p></p><p>I see this chance for him, and I want him to succeed so much. It's hard to watch a child fail. I hope he gets it together and gets this degree. It would mean so much to him and his future. I understand that it's possible it will take longer for JT to mature and manage better choices. Maybe he isn't ready for this level of responsibility yet. He can't live at home and attend a program like this because there are only two colleges in our state that offer the fire medic program, and he wants to stay on the fire department in his college town in order to keep his foot in the door there.</p><p></p><p>As for the military, he would have difficulty because of the medication he is taking. I also would be very worried about him. It's not out of the question, though.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smile.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smile:" title="smile :smile:" data-shortname=":smile:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressbunny, post: 595509"] I appreciate everyone's thoughts. JT did have a rough start in life. Though he wasn't physically abused, he was seriously neglected, and he had many caregivers in his first two years of life. He seemed attached to his last caregiver, an aunt, whom he lived with until he came to us in foster care. Being removed from her home abruptly and placed with us was extremely traumatic for him. I remember that he sat on the couch with his little arms crossed and his brow wrinkled, refusing to do anything. He was so mad and wanted to go home. It breaks my heart thinking about it, and I wish the foster care agency would have created a better transition period for him. No wonder he saw us as the enemy. I have read a lot and understand about attachment disorder. JT very well may have that issue. Throughout childhood, he has wanted to be his own man, and as I mentioned, he behaved like a rebellious teen at a young age, to the point that when he became a teen, things actually seemed easier than they had been. I think he puffs (brags) about himself because it is some sort of defense mechanism for his ego. He does this most around hubby and me. JT knows of his birthmom and actually remembers a lot of what happened to him. I know this is hard to believe, but he has shared things with me from very early in his life - like having to sleep in a doll-sized bed; broken glass all over the floor, and an abusive boyfriend of his bmom's. Unlike his birthmom, JT is very bright, intellectually. He reads books non-stop and absorbs information like a sponge. He is very creative and funny. He is outgoing and physically hard working. In high school, he never got involved with alcohol, drugs, or smoking. JT has a big interest in mechanical stuff, and he has taken every industrial arts course possible in high school. He joined our local fire department as a volunteer, after he completed two certification classes at age 18, while still in high school. He is very proud of this fact. Our biggest problems with JT have to do with his impulsive and irresponsible behavior, as well as his lack of gratitude and respect. We are not in the 1%, but we do have a comfortable life, financially, and JT definitely takes that for granted. He doesn't realize how lucky he is that way. He also regularly rejects what we say, and he ends up learning the hard way. His EMT class starts today, and he hadn't accessed his college e-mail and pre-assignment last week like he should have, although he claims he didn't think to check to see if he had an e-mail account at the new college. He also told my hubby that he thinks he failed one of his education classes at the university for this past semester. Granted, it is not a course he needs to transfer, however, we had agreed that regardless, we expected him to get a "C" or better in all of his classes. The problem is that he has great difficulty regulating himself and his time. Studying requires so much self discipline, and though he really wants to become a fire medic, I'm not sure he will be able to manage the effort required to get there. Novelty wears off very quickly for him. I believe he is capable, and I hope the technical college setting will be a better fit for him. Universities tend not to assess early and frequently. Instead, there are just a few large assessments in classes (a project or paper or two, and then a mid-term and final). At the technical college, the program is shorter too, and the classes are smaller, with more hands-on learning. I see this chance for him, and I want him to succeed so much. It's hard to watch a child fail. I hope he gets it together and gets this degree. It would mean so much to him and his future. I understand that it's possible it will take longer for JT to mature and manage better choices. Maybe he isn't ready for this level of responsibility yet. He can't live at home and attend a program like this because there are only two colleges in our state that offer the fire medic program, and he wants to stay on the fire department in his college town in order to keep his foot in the door there. As for the military, he would have difficulty because of the medication he is taking. I also would be very worried about him. It's not out of the question, though. :smile: [/QUOTE]
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