You need to make it very clear to him then that living there is not an option. That if he's not going to go back to the program, he needs to find another option. Look into soberhouses in your area. Maybe that would be a good option for him.
You are not a bad mother for not looking forward to him coming home. I know when my difficult child first left home and got out of rehab. he moved into a soberhouse, but when he would come to visit for a weekend, I dreaded it. I had gotten used to living in peace and when he came, I couldn't wait until he left. I enjoyed much more when I would go visit him and then come home by myself.
My difficult child has not lived home in 1 1/2 years now, and to tell you the truth, I can't ever imagine living with him again, not that he even thinks it's an option. My life is much to peaceful now.
Now he only lives 20 minutes away, so it's much easier for us to visit and he doesn't need to stay.
