difficult child coming home

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by everywoman, Mar 9, 2007.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    husband and I talked to director last night. difficult child and his "buddy" the manipulator have been horrible all week. We will go pick difficult child up tomorrow. Before he leaves he will have a drug test. I hope it is clean, but just the tone of his voice this week suggests otherwise. She will then dismiss influential friend and invite difficult child back in a few days. She is scared if they are dismissed together, difficult child and friend wil run together and we will not be able to find them. I am nervous. If he is using, then he is irrational. He is not going to be happy about being forced home. Director feels without friend's influence, she can work with difficult child. I am scared to have him in my home again. It becomes an uncomforatble place where we all walk on eggshells.
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Hopefully if it's only for a day or so, nothing too bad will happen and they will get him right back in. I just hope he doesn't give you a hard time about going back. I don't think you should even make it sound like an option though. Is he aware that they are letting him back?? Or does he think he's coming home for good.
    Sounds a little rediculous to me, like they should just send the other kid out first and let your son stay if they are letting him come back.

    Let us know how it works out.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I will not be able to take more than a few days with him. I knew last weekend something was not right. I won't know exactly what is going on until I get there. I can not live with the chaos he brings with him again. I will not allow him to stay long. Oh I hate feeling like this, I'm his mom, I should be excited to see him.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Katmom, it's hard to feel excited over inviting chaos and disaster back into your home. I completely understand your dread. I hope they will take him back quickly and that he makes some progress.

  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    He had done so well until we allowed him to take the truck back up there. I see that once again, our wanting him to be responsible helped him to fall flat. Everyone warned me, but...Hopefully he will go back. Now that he is "unhappy" there, he will not be so acceptable to it, but husband has assured me he will not be allowed to live at home. I just dread the conflict that I know is coming.
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You need to make it very clear to him then that living there is not an option. That if he's not going to go back to the program, he needs to find another option. Look into soberhouses in your area. Maybe that would be a good option for him.

    You are not a bad mother for not looking forward to him coming home. I know when my difficult child first left home and got out of rehab. he moved into a soberhouse, but when he would come to visit for a weekend, I dreaded it. I had gotten used to living in peace and when he came, I couldn't wait until he left. I enjoyed much more when I would go visit him and then come home by myself.

    My difficult child has not lived home in 1 1/2 years now, and to tell you the truth, I can't ever imagine living with him again, not that he even thinks it's an option. My life is much to peaceful now.

    Now he only lives 20 minutes away, so it's much easier for us to visit and he doesn't need to stay.
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Thanks Karen. I seem to not be able to think about anything else today. I usually don't obsess over any of my children, but today, there is a small knot in the pit of my stomach that usually means something really bad is about to happen. husband called during my 1st class and I got so upset I almost cried. When I called him back he was letting me know that he had lined up two girls to run the store Sat. so we can leave early to get difficult child. After I humg up I did cry. Not at all like me. I don't like the unknowing. difficult child had done so well since before Thanksgiving. Now...the unknown is making me nervous.
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    The unknown can be very nerve wracking. Sounds like you and husband are handling this together though, which is a good thing. Have a plan in place that the two of you can agree on just incase things start going a direction you don't want them too.

    I think the most important thing for you to remember when he gets home is not to let him manipulate you. Anything he asks for, or to do, you don't need to answer right away. You should take time to think before you respond to anything.

    Hopefully it goes smooth and within a few days he'll be back where he came from. I'll be thinking about you. I'll be on my way to Florida, but I'll try and check in from my sister in-laws computer a few times next week.
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I have always said that ant was a chameleon..he takes on the colors of his surroundings.
    perhaps things will improve once the buddy is out of the picture. God be with you and bring his perfect peace as you travel on.
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Janet, you're right. difficult child changes everytime he picks up a new friend. I'm just hoping his new faith is not another lie. I thought he was sincere about changing his life. I thought he had finally found the answer for himself. I know that he has to find those answers. I just know he won't have the option of searching while living in my home.
  11. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I hope this isn't as bad as you anticipate but I understand the dread. Hopefully he slid back a little but will move forward again.
    Sorry katmom.
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Thanks Fran. I, too, am hoping its just a bump in the road. Of course difficult child's bumps are notorious for turning into craters by the time he's through. His story is logical---but then it always has been. I will check it out throughly before believing him though. He says he was in the yard throwing a football with a housemate and his old boss from job A drove by. She stopped to ask him how he was. Director drove up. Questioned him and he told her it was someone he worked with. She told him to come on and he reached in and shook the woman's hand goodbye. She told him he was lying because no one who works at job B looks like that woman. He tried to explain she was from job A. She wouldn't listen. Director's story is that he reached in the car after she told him to walk away from the car and she thought he was making a buy. She said he acted like he hadn't done anything wrong and was not upset about being caught. Who knows whether he's lying or not. The old difficult child would have lied in a skinny minute. The boy I've seen for the past 3 months wouldn't. I'll know more tomorrow.
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Katmom, I am so sorry for this turn of events. It is so hard to have hope and then have it snuffed. It does sound like the director is seeing that your difficult child can be helped and is therefore giving him the opportunity to start over. I will pray that all goes well and he is back in the program and working it soon. (((HUGS))) -RM