Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
difficult child friend dies in car wreck
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 265940" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>He deffinitely needs a hug, if he will let you. It's OK to sympathise with him for the loss, but also to see it as a reminder that if only the boy had been wearing a seat belt, his family would not be grieving now.</p><p></p><p>We had to train our kids to wear seat belts, from the very start. Seat belt wearing is compulsory here, it costs a lot of money plus demerit points off our licence, if a passenger is not wearing a seat belt. A passenger not wearing a belt will lose the DRIVER demerit points, and the driver gets fined.</p><p></p><p>So for us - if a kid took off their seat belt, we stopped the car. DIdn't matter where, even in the clearway or on a freeway, we'd come to a screeching halt and not re-start until the seat belt was back on.</p><p>husband even does this to mother in law, if she takes her seat belt off early or fails to put it on. Some adults will just pull the belt across them to make it look like they're wearing it; you don't do that if husband is driving!</p><p></p><p>I strongly suspect he's not been wearing a seat belt even when he tells you he is; the other kids would be making fun of him over it, just as over here kids often make fun of kids who wear bike helmets (also compulsory for bike riders, here).</p><p></p><p>Maybe he will, now.</p><p></p><p>It's the age, it's the hormones, it's desperately wanting to belong to a group at any cost. He is taking a calculated risk and on one side, he has the risk. On the other side, he has the promise of belonging to a group of friends, as long as he does what they want him to.</p><p>I don't think you need to worry about drugs with him. Not now, probably not ever. But you need more than ever, to work on being his support and not his conscience. He is of an age now, to be developing his own conscience. He won't always make the right choices (he isn't now) but he needs your support to learn how to make the right choices. You can use his anxiety here asa tool - when he makes the right choices, he should feel less anxious. So keep in touch with what he does, ask him to rate his anxiety when he is in the car with his friends and he knows the car is overcrowded and they're not being safe.</p><p></p><p>Even worse than being killed, should be getting injured. Because if he's injured he will have to go to hospital and people there will medicate him (because they will need to) and he won't have much choice in the matter. Hospital is a place full of sick people, so your risk of getting sick from various diseases, is much higher. It is important to do your best to avoid going to hospital unless you have to. For someoneafraid of dying, an even bigger fear should be being afraid of not having control of your health and health choices. Being injured and unable to help yourself or even communicate, means that you could be locked in but unable to make your wishes known or complied with.</p><p></p><p>Is there any way he could be made to understand this? In a way that won't trigger a meltdown, of course. Because at the moment, he has to be thinking about this, at some level.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 265940, member: 1991"] He deffinitely needs a hug, if he will let you. It's OK to sympathise with him for the loss, but also to see it as a reminder that if only the boy had been wearing a seat belt, his family would not be grieving now. We had to train our kids to wear seat belts, from the very start. Seat belt wearing is compulsory here, it costs a lot of money plus demerit points off our licence, if a passenger is not wearing a seat belt. A passenger not wearing a belt will lose the DRIVER demerit points, and the driver gets fined. So for us - if a kid took off their seat belt, we stopped the car. DIdn't matter where, even in the clearway or on a freeway, we'd come to a screeching halt and not re-start until the seat belt was back on. husband even does this to mother in law, if she takes her seat belt off early or fails to put it on. Some adults will just pull the belt across them to make it look like they're wearing it; you don't do that if husband is driving! I strongly suspect he's not been wearing a seat belt even when he tells you he is; the other kids would be making fun of him over it, just as over here kids often make fun of kids who wear bike helmets (also compulsory for bike riders, here). Maybe he will, now. It's the age, it's the hormones, it's desperately wanting to belong to a group at any cost. He is taking a calculated risk and on one side, he has the risk. On the other side, he has the promise of belonging to a group of friends, as long as he does what they want him to. I don't think you need to worry about drugs with him. Not now, probably not ever. But you need more than ever, to work on being his support and not his conscience. He is of an age now, to be developing his own conscience. He won't always make the right choices (he isn't now) but he needs your support to learn how to make the right choices. You can use his anxiety here asa tool - when he makes the right choices, he should feel less anxious. So keep in touch with what he does, ask him to rate his anxiety when he is in the car with his friends and he knows the car is overcrowded and they're not being safe. Even worse than being killed, should be getting injured. Because if he's injured he will have to go to hospital and people there will medicate him (because they will need to) and he won't have much choice in the matter. Hospital is a place full of sick people, so your risk of getting sick from various diseases, is much higher. It is important to do your best to avoid going to hospital unless you have to. For someoneafraid of dying, an even bigger fear should be being afraid of not having control of your health and health choices. Being injured and unable to help yourself or even communicate, means that you could be locked in but unable to make your wishes known or complied with. Is there any way he could be made to understand this? In a way that won't trigger a meltdown, of course. Because at the moment, he has to be thinking about this, at some level. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
difficult child friend dies in car wreck
Top