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difficult child friend dies in car wreck
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 265993" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Kjs, we have a strong policy in this house that EVERY member of the household keeps everybody else informed as to where they are going, who they will be with and when they expect to be home. It's a rule for all, regardless of age or status. It's how we work together cooperatively, living under the same roof.</p><p></p><p>It's not only important for keepnig track of kids, but it's a way of working as a team to get jobs done. For example, if I'm already home and I know husband or someone is still out, I can contact them and ask them to pick up some milk on the way home. But if it's almost shop closing time and I know husband is still too far away, I know I'll need to go to the shop. </p><p></p><p>It's simply a matter of knowing, and working together. </p><p></p><p>Another example - difficult child 3 goes to visit his friend. There's a chance he will bring friend back home to play. So I plan accordingly, to have food available to feed two hungry boys, not just one. Not only that, but to have food available that friend likes. Because when difficult child 3 goes to visit friend, he often gets fed there. It's only fair for me to return the favour.</p><p>If difficult child 3 simply wandered in and out at any time and didn't tell me, I wouldn't know whether to have food ready or not. I might have lunch ready for him and go looking for him, to find he had gone out some time earlier, I don't know when. Very frustrating and frankly, a waste of food. It's also inconsiderate and rude.</p><p></p><p>It's interesting - while typing this, it's late on Wednesday night. difficult child 3 is heading for bed. he knows I'm going out tomorrow, he's already said he wants to stay home alone and not come out. But he's just given me the 3rd degree - when will I be leaving? What time do I expect to be home? He knows I'll be going to the mall at some stage too, so he will be careful to put anything he feels we need, on the shopping list.</p><p></p><p>When implementing this it's most important to make it clear - it goes for everybody under the roof and it's NOT checking up, it's simply keeping informed, for the sake of mutual benefit. If there's a pile-up on the highway and we all know that nobody in the house was anywhere near there, we can all relax.</p><p></p><p>There are other things you can do, to get the "we all live under the same roof so we all need to be a team" approach to communal living; it can help when nothing else seems to, when your child gets to the point where they feel they've outgrown parental supervision. If nothing else it will prepare your child for the day when he/she leaves home and begins to share accommodation with others. It involves treating your child more as an equal, but because there is still the cooperative living approach, there is still the chance of some parental guidance in camouflage.</p><p></p><p>Parenting teens is tough. Parenting teen difficult children is even tougher.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 265993, member: 1991"] Kjs, we have a strong policy in this house that EVERY member of the household keeps everybody else informed as to where they are going, who they will be with and when they expect to be home. It's a rule for all, regardless of age or status. It's how we work together cooperatively, living under the same roof. It's not only important for keepnig track of kids, but it's a way of working as a team to get jobs done. For example, if I'm already home and I know husband or someone is still out, I can contact them and ask them to pick up some milk on the way home. But if it's almost shop closing time and I know husband is still too far away, I know I'll need to go to the shop. It's simply a matter of knowing, and working together. Another example - difficult child 3 goes to visit his friend. There's a chance he will bring friend back home to play. So I plan accordingly, to have food available to feed two hungry boys, not just one. Not only that, but to have food available that friend likes. Because when difficult child 3 goes to visit friend, he often gets fed there. It's only fair for me to return the favour. If difficult child 3 simply wandered in and out at any time and didn't tell me, I wouldn't know whether to have food ready or not. I might have lunch ready for him and go looking for him, to find he had gone out some time earlier, I don't know when. Very frustrating and frankly, a waste of food. It's also inconsiderate and rude. It's interesting - while typing this, it's late on Wednesday night. difficult child 3 is heading for bed. he knows I'm going out tomorrow, he's already said he wants to stay home alone and not come out. But he's just given me the 3rd degree - when will I be leaving? What time do I expect to be home? He knows I'll be going to the mall at some stage too, so he will be careful to put anything he feels we need, on the shopping list. When implementing this it's most important to make it clear - it goes for everybody under the roof and it's NOT checking up, it's simply keeping informed, for the sake of mutual benefit. If there's a pile-up on the highway and we all know that nobody in the house was anywhere near there, we can all relax. There are other things you can do, to get the "we all live under the same roof so we all need to be a team" approach to communal living; it can help when nothing else seems to, when your child gets to the point where they feel they've outgrown parental supervision. If nothing else it will prepare your child for the day when he/she leaves home and begins to share accommodation with others. It involves treating your child more as an equal, but because there is still the cooperative living approach, there is still the chance of some parental guidance in camouflage. Parenting teens is tough. Parenting teen difficult children is even tougher. Marg [/QUOTE]
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