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difficult child gone off deep end
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<blockquote data-quote="jbrain" data-source="post: 606726" data-attributes="member: 3450"><p>Thank you for all the support! This site, and you, my friends, here, are what has helped me to cope with everything all these years! I know I will be able to detach from this situation--I have successfully done so with E in the past and can do it again. But, I do admit, having a grandchild in the mix whom I have become attached to sure makes it a lot harder!</p><p></p><p>I sent E a message yesterday which was not well received. She had posted a video on Youtube she wanted me to listen to and it was one of those self-pitying songs about how messed up they are. I told her I was tired of the self-pity and that she is not the victim here, her daughter and the family taking care of her daughter are the real victims. I told her plenty of help is available to her, that we have offered to pay for therapy for her but she hasn't taken us up on it. I said we could have a superficial relationship but that my guard is up now, I don't trust her. </p><p></p><p>She sent me some really weird text messages (K said she had talked to her that afternoon and she was sitting in a sports bar, already drunk). She brought up an instance from her childhood where she said she had made macaroni and cheese for her younger sister but her brother got all the praise. She has been insanely jealous of her sister since she was born and really, that is when she became a difficult child (she was 3 when her sister was born).</p><p></p><p>She also said she needs a daddy. Her dad died when she was 8 and she was very close to him. She also said that her daughter doesn't love her because she can only partially provide for her. I remember several times her telling me that S was "mean" to her. I think she expected her daughter to love her like a parent would love a child, not the other way around. Also, she can rationalize abandoning her if she feels S doesn't love her anyway.</p><p></p><p>She claimed to be giving K every cent she earns, which is a blatant lie unless she has quit working, which may be the case. </p><p></p><p>After going back and forth for a while I told her I was done with the conversation and that I love her and always will. </p><p></p><p>I will not engage in these useless conversations anymore but at least I got to say what I needed to say. I think I have to work through the grief of losing the "new" E that I thought we had. I was so happy that she had seemed to make real changes and somehow it hurts more now than it did when she was a teen and I realized how messed up she was. My younger daughter is struggling with it too. She said she wishes things could just be "normal", or at least what we thought was normal! Adjusting to the new reality is going to take time. Also, before, we didn't have S to worry about. </p><p></p><p>K says if E does bring money over she will meet her in the parking lot of the apt. complex. She says it is too hurtful for S to come by and get hugs and kisses and then have E leave. K says that S seems to be connecting with her as a mom now. Before, K tried to stay more in the background so that E would parent S but it obviously didn't work very well. Now K is the mom. We saw S on Skype and she seemed happy. She showed us some "new" clothes she had gotten (hand me downs from a lady at their church) and she sang for us and counted. I do need to be grateful that she is in a loving home and she has been with her new mom and her sisters since she was born.</p><p></p><p>As for the guardianship, I think K can probably make E think it is a permanent thing--she believes whatever people tell her and I am sure she won't actually read the papers. Also, I think we can use the threat of CPS if she tries to take E back at some point. At this point though it seems she is getting less and less involved, not even visiting anymore. Also, I think she is drunk most of the time and too out of it to do anything anyway. She did mention that she has a death wish in one of her texts and I believe that. She is with an abusive man (K said she had bruises the last time she saw her from her back to her ankles), drinking heavily, and just seems bent on self-destruction. I can't do anything about that.</p><p></p><p>Again, thanks for the support--I have kept reading all this time even though I didn't post much anymore, and it has been so helpful to me. I think if I didn't have you I would feel totally alone and isolated, like a freak. </p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jbrain, post: 606726, member: 3450"] Thank you for all the support! This site, and you, my friends, here, are what has helped me to cope with everything all these years! I know I will be able to detach from this situation--I have successfully done so with E in the past and can do it again. But, I do admit, having a grandchild in the mix whom I have become attached to sure makes it a lot harder! I sent E a message yesterday which was not well received. She had posted a video on Youtube she wanted me to listen to and it was one of those self-pitying songs about how messed up they are. I told her I was tired of the self-pity and that she is not the victim here, her daughter and the family taking care of her daughter are the real victims. I told her plenty of help is available to her, that we have offered to pay for therapy for her but she hasn't taken us up on it. I said we could have a superficial relationship but that my guard is up now, I don't trust her. She sent me some really weird text messages (K said she had talked to her that afternoon and she was sitting in a sports bar, already drunk). She brought up an instance from her childhood where she said she had made macaroni and cheese for her younger sister but her brother got all the praise. She has been insanely jealous of her sister since she was born and really, that is when she became a difficult child (she was 3 when her sister was born). She also said she needs a daddy. Her dad died when she was 8 and she was very close to him. She also said that her daughter doesn't love her because she can only partially provide for her. I remember several times her telling me that S was "mean" to her. I think she expected her daughter to love her like a parent would love a child, not the other way around. Also, she can rationalize abandoning her if she feels S doesn't love her anyway. She claimed to be giving K every cent she earns, which is a blatant lie unless she has quit working, which may be the case. After going back and forth for a while I told her I was done with the conversation and that I love her and always will. I will not engage in these useless conversations anymore but at least I got to say what I needed to say. I think I have to work through the grief of losing the "new" E that I thought we had. I was so happy that she had seemed to make real changes and somehow it hurts more now than it did when she was a teen and I realized how messed up she was. My younger daughter is struggling with it too. She said she wishes things could just be "normal", or at least what we thought was normal! Adjusting to the new reality is going to take time. Also, before, we didn't have S to worry about. K says if E does bring money over she will meet her in the parking lot of the apt. complex. She says it is too hurtful for S to come by and get hugs and kisses and then have E leave. K says that S seems to be connecting with her as a mom now. Before, K tried to stay more in the background so that E would parent S but it obviously didn't work very well. Now K is the mom. We saw S on Skype and she seemed happy. She showed us some "new" clothes she had gotten (hand me downs from a lady at their church) and she sang for us and counted. I do need to be grateful that she is in a loving home and she has been with her new mom and her sisters since she was born. As for the guardianship, I think K can probably make E think it is a permanent thing--she believes whatever people tell her and I am sure she won't actually read the papers. Also, I think we can use the threat of CPS if she tries to take E back at some point. At this point though it seems she is getting less and less involved, not even visiting anymore. Also, I think she is drunk most of the time and too out of it to do anything anyway. She did mention that she has a death wish in one of her texts and I believe that. She is with an abusive man (K said she had bruises the last time she saw her from her back to her ankles), drinking heavily, and just seems bent on self-destruction. I can't do anything about that. Again, thanks for the support--I have kept reading all this time even though I didn't post much anymore, and it has been so helpful to me. I think if I didn't have you I would feel totally alone and isolated, like a freak. Jane [/QUOTE]
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