Hello,
I don't know if anyone will remember me--I haven't posted in a long time.
My difficult child, E, is now 25 years old. A short history: was involved with drugs and alcohol from a young age and displayed the traits of borderline personality disorder. She was diagnosed with Depression, not otherwise specified. We never could really get a handle on just what was wrong but she was a challenging child from about age 3.
We sent her to residential treatment facility in Utah when she was 16 and she did very well there. As soon as she returned home (after 9 months) she relapsed and seemed worse than ever. At age 17 she was court ordered to a dual diagnosis facility in our state and again, she did great, even got her GED while there. As soon as she left she was back to the same old stuff.
She met a guy when she was nearly 18 and moved out to live with him. They eventually moved to Seattle and she gave birth to a baby boy. The guy, M, turned out to be abusive to E and neglected the baby. I had little contact with difficult child at this time--did not want to see the baby, was afraid I would get attached and I knew the situation was bad.
Eventually, E gave her baby (he was about 10 months old) to a "friend" and left town with boyfriend. They ended up in Chicago and then went from there to Georgia. I did not know where her baby was at this time--did not know she had given him away. She wrote me from Georgia, saying she was pregnant again, but she was leaving the boyfriend and a woman there took her in and wanted to help her.
The woman, K, has 3 daughters of her own and truly wanted to help my difficult child. Things went well--E gave birth to a baby girl and seemed very bonded with her. She seemed stable and happy. However, she and her new family decided to move from rural Georgia to South Florida last summer. It seemed like a great idea because K was not able to make ends meet with her job in Georgia and she received a promotion in Florida.
As soon as they got to Florida, E totally went off the deep end. She got a job in a strip club as soon as they got there (nothing new, she had done this work in Seattle). She moved in with the manager about 3 days later. K was fit to be tied because she was counting on the two of them together making this work. Now she had to find an apt. by herself and try to make ends meet on her own. I was in shock and furious when I found out. Her baby, S, was staying with K most of the time.
After about a month it seemed that E came to her senses and moved in with K and got a job at a regular restaurant and she seemed okay again. This lasted until late Spring of this year. Her hours were but way back at the restaurant and she started going out drinking when she was supposedly at work. She told K that she should have had an abortion, she didn't love her daughter anymore.
She got work at another strip club and began leaving work to go home with customers. She might show up at home in the night, totally drunk, or she might show up the next day, hung over. She is a belligerant, self-pitying drunk too. She would threaten that she was going to take the baby and leave so K was afraid to cross her. Also, K needed the money she made to pay the bills.
E recently met a customer who she now seems to be living with most of the time. K has seen a lawyer and has temporary guardianship of S, the baby. E is willing to give her custody but the law won't allow it (E doesn't know this). K is seriously considering moving back to Georgia where she has a job waiting if she wants it. She will not take E with her. K will not call CPS because she does not want S placed in foster care. I don't want that either. K and her girls love S and want to raise her.
I am heartbroken for S that her mother has rejected her. I think E cares for her but not enough to be able to raise her. I have offered therapy to E over and over and she won't go. I think what makes me the angriest is that she acts like she is the victim here. It is all about her--how she is a terrible mother, how she is worthless, etc. She seems to think we should feel sorry for her for being such a miserable human being. She has caused so much stress and anxiety for this poor family who took her in but she can only think of how unhappy she is.
S is 2 1/2 now and she misses her mom. She has no way to understand what happened. K told me that E was supposed to come and bring money one day and they must have told S that "Mimia" (what she calls her mom) was coming. She pulled her little chair up to the window to watch for her. She didn't come.
We have been helping K financially get through this time. We will help her move to Georgia if she goes. I worry that E will try to stop her from moving with S. I think if that happens we can threaten her with CPS involvement though.
Anyway, I wanted to update because I need support in dealing with this strange turn of events. I mean, I know that sometimes mothers do not bond with their babies but I haven't heard of a mother bonding and then rejecting the child a year later. It makes no sense to me. I guess that is what she did with her son though.
Oh, the story with her son was that she wanted to make sure he was safe so she gave him to her friend. She did not feel she could leave her abusive boyfriend. It turns out that the friend got reported to CPS for child abuse and he was taken away and put in foster care. E was working to get him back but she was in Georgia and L, her son, was in Washington. His foster mother decided she wanted to adopt him and E gave up her fight for him (rightfully so). He is doing very well in his new family and his mom is great--she sends us updates and pictures and we can see how happy he is.
Thanks for reading this long post if you got this far.
Jane
I don't know if anyone will remember me--I haven't posted in a long time.
My difficult child, E, is now 25 years old. A short history: was involved with drugs and alcohol from a young age and displayed the traits of borderline personality disorder. She was diagnosed with Depression, not otherwise specified. We never could really get a handle on just what was wrong but she was a challenging child from about age 3.
We sent her to residential treatment facility in Utah when she was 16 and she did very well there. As soon as she returned home (after 9 months) she relapsed and seemed worse than ever. At age 17 she was court ordered to a dual diagnosis facility in our state and again, she did great, even got her GED while there. As soon as she left she was back to the same old stuff.
She met a guy when she was nearly 18 and moved out to live with him. They eventually moved to Seattle and she gave birth to a baby boy. The guy, M, turned out to be abusive to E and neglected the baby. I had little contact with difficult child at this time--did not want to see the baby, was afraid I would get attached and I knew the situation was bad.
Eventually, E gave her baby (he was about 10 months old) to a "friend" and left town with boyfriend. They ended up in Chicago and then went from there to Georgia. I did not know where her baby was at this time--did not know she had given him away. She wrote me from Georgia, saying she was pregnant again, but she was leaving the boyfriend and a woman there took her in and wanted to help her.
The woman, K, has 3 daughters of her own and truly wanted to help my difficult child. Things went well--E gave birth to a baby girl and seemed very bonded with her. She seemed stable and happy. However, she and her new family decided to move from rural Georgia to South Florida last summer. It seemed like a great idea because K was not able to make ends meet with her job in Georgia and she received a promotion in Florida.
As soon as they got to Florida, E totally went off the deep end. She got a job in a strip club as soon as they got there (nothing new, she had done this work in Seattle). She moved in with the manager about 3 days later. K was fit to be tied because she was counting on the two of them together making this work. Now she had to find an apt. by herself and try to make ends meet on her own. I was in shock and furious when I found out. Her baby, S, was staying with K most of the time.
After about a month it seemed that E came to her senses and moved in with K and got a job at a regular restaurant and she seemed okay again. This lasted until late Spring of this year. Her hours were but way back at the restaurant and she started going out drinking when she was supposedly at work. She told K that she should have had an abortion, she didn't love her daughter anymore.
She got work at another strip club and began leaving work to go home with customers. She might show up at home in the night, totally drunk, or she might show up the next day, hung over. She is a belligerant, self-pitying drunk too. She would threaten that she was going to take the baby and leave so K was afraid to cross her. Also, K needed the money she made to pay the bills.
E recently met a customer who she now seems to be living with most of the time. K has seen a lawyer and has temporary guardianship of S, the baby. E is willing to give her custody but the law won't allow it (E doesn't know this). K is seriously considering moving back to Georgia where she has a job waiting if she wants it. She will not take E with her. K will not call CPS because she does not want S placed in foster care. I don't want that either. K and her girls love S and want to raise her.
I am heartbroken for S that her mother has rejected her. I think E cares for her but not enough to be able to raise her. I have offered therapy to E over and over and she won't go. I think what makes me the angriest is that she acts like she is the victim here. It is all about her--how she is a terrible mother, how she is worthless, etc. She seems to think we should feel sorry for her for being such a miserable human being. She has caused so much stress and anxiety for this poor family who took her in but she can only think of how unhappy she is.
S is 2 1/2 now and she misses her mom. She has no way to understand what happened. K told me that E was supposed to come and bring money one day and they must have told S that "Mimia" (what she calls her mom) was coming. She pulled her little chair up to the window to watch for her. She didn't come.
We have been helping K financially get through this time. We will help her move to Georgia if she goes. I worry that E will try to stop her from moving with S. I think if that happens we can threaten her with CPS involvement though.
Anyway, I wanted to update because I need support in dealing with this strange turn of events. I mean, I know that sometimes mothers do not bond with their babies but I haven't heard of a mother bonding and then rejecting the child a year later. It makes no sense to me. I guess that is what she did with her son though.
Oh, the story with her son was that she wanted to make sure he was safe so she gave him to her friend. She did not feel she could leave her abusive boyfriend. It turns out that the friend got reported to CPS for child abuse and he was taken away and put in foster care. E was working to get him back but she was in Georgia and L, her son, was in Washington. His foster mother decided she wanted to adopt him and E gave up her fight for him (rightfully so). He is doing very well in his new family and his mom is great--she sends us updates and pictures and we can see how happy he is.
Thanks for reading this long post if you got this far.
Jane