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General Parenting
difficult child, gparents, meltdown
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<blockquote data-quote="nvts" data-source="post: 179333" data-attributes="member: 3814"><p>Why not bring it down to basics? When he's calm ask him one simple question:</p><p> </p><p>"Honey, when I told you that the gp's were coming for a visit, what was the very first thing that you felt?"</p><p> </p><p>Don't look for an explanation - find a word - fear, anger, frustration, guilt, confusion, what? If it's anything short of happy, excited, joyous, a little nervous, tell the gp's that it's not a good idea. For now, I don't think that he should or maybe even could validate why he's feeling these things. I think he just needs you to understand what he doesn't understand. As he sees you accept his feelings as just that - feelings, he'll open up more. </p><p> </p><p>I've said in other posts: guilt is a useless emotion unless you're using it on someone else to get what YOU want! I say that with tongue in cheek, but to a degree, it's true. </p><p> </p><p>Honestly, you need to take a long, hard look at who the person is here who should be feeling guilty. GPa was abusive to you and to difficult child. When kids (you and difficult child) are abused at a young age, they're made to feel that THEY were the guilty party and the reaction gets justified by the person being abusive. THAT'S why you keep feeling guilty - even though YOU'RE only trying to please EVERYONE ELSE!!! You have been conditioned to accept guilt for things that weren't your fault.</p><p> </p><p>Let difficult child answer the question. Tell mom & dad "sorry" maybe another time, then give difficult child the website for "Fixing Drywall" instructions and make a quick run to Home Depot. Then let him know that you want him to think about the "question" every time he starts to feel stressed OR get a job at the Home Depot!</p><p> </p><p>We're with you kid! Hug difficult child from all of his cyber Aunties and we hope that he's feeling better!</p><p> </p><p>me</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nvts, post: 179333, member: 3814"] Why not bring it down to basics? When he's calm ask him one simple question: "Honey, when I told you that the gp's were coming for a visit, what was the very first thing that you felt?" Don't look for an explanation - find a word - fear, anger, frustration, guilt, confusion, what? If it's anything short of happy, excited, joyous, a little nervous, tell the gp's that it's not a good idea. For now, I don't think that he should or maybe even could validate why he's feeling these things. I think he just needs you to understand what he doesn't understand. As he sees you accept his feelings as just that - feelings, he'll open up more. I've said in other posts: guilt is a useless emotion unless you're using it on someone else to get what YOU want! I say that with tongue in cheek, but to a degree, it's true. Honestly, you need to take a long, hard look at who the person is here who should be feeling guilty. GPa was abusive to you and to difficult child. When kids (you and difficult child) are abused at a young age, they're made to feel that THEY were the guilty party and the reaction gets justified by the person being abusive. THAT'S why you keep feeling guilty - even though YOU'RE only trying to please EVERYONE ELSE!!! You have been conditioned to accept guilt for things that weren't your fault. Let difficult child answer the question. Tell mom & dad "sorry" maybe another time, then give difficult child the website for "Fixing Drywall" instructions and make a quick run to Home Depot. Then let him know that you want him to think about the "question" every time he starts to feel stressed OR get a job at the Home Depot! We're with you kid! Hug difficult child from all of his cyber Aunties and we hope that he's feeling better! me [/QUOTE]
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