So, difficult child has been doing relatively well. And I use the term, relative, loosely. He has had little to no stress in his life, although I am slowly implementing rules and structure to get him back on track. He has had a rough history with bio-dad abandoning him, and his gparents trying to be there for him, but loosing their cool with him frequently. I know that some of their actions towards him were technically abuse, although at the time I rationalized it all as obsolete, (probably because I was abused by them, and until recently I could not even recognize that fact, ((which makes me sad)), but is true). As you know his aunt, my sister, just died, suddenly. This was the closest connection he really had to my family, although even that was tenuous. So tonight, to get difficult child out of his reclusive self, and to celebrate my mom's bd, I invited my parents over to our house. difficult child was fine with this, and calm - for the last 2 days - but tonight I get home to clean up before they arrive and he was going ballistic. This is the first time in 8 months that he has been this upset. He was punching his fist in the wall, and screaming, all because he said his computer was not working right. But I knew. I could see the angst in his eyes. I told him 20 minutes later, that the gparents did not need to come over tonight, and we could do it a different time. He then started to sob, and cry, because he had made a hole in the wall, and he wanted it to be perfect the way it was. I just don't know what to do. I have upheld this facade for my whole life that my parents are "good people", and that difficult child was in good hands when he was with them. However, tonight, after seeing how tormented he seemed at the very thought of them coming over, I am disturbed. Deeply. Do you think I am reading too much into this? Do you think I should have been tougher on him, and just said they are coming over, regardless. Of course they love him very much - but he says he can never forgive them. I think he is especially tormented because my dad has cancer, and his aunt just died, and he feels obligated in certain ways "to the family", but yet does not feel it deep inside. Ugh. I am tormented. I don't know. Thoughts? I don't want him to just throw a tantrum and get out of things - but I also do not want to disregard his valid past feelings of invalidation, abuse, and the surrounding, resulting issues. God, I love this kid.