How to get son evaluated

[Lollypopgirl17]

Hi. My son is almost 16 and he has anger issues. Has punched holes in his bedroom wall. I want to get him help but don't know where to turn. Pediatrician has been useless. And I haven't been able to get any information from the school. We also have a younger daughter who doesn't have any behavioral issues. Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? How can I get him evaluated? I feel like I waited too long and hope it's not too late.

 

[laugh]

Hi. My son is almost 16 and he has anger issues. Has punched holes in his bedroom wall. I want to get him help but don't know where to turn. Pediatrician has been useless. And I haven't been able to get any information from the school. We also have a younger daughter who doesn't have any behavioral issues. Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions? How can I get him evaluated? I feel like I waited too long and hope it's not too late.

A child psychologist is likely the best bet. Your school might have access to one in the district. If you can afford it, a private one would likely ensure more confidentiality. You're not alone. It's not unusual for boys this age to demonstrate aggression. It could be anything from an inability to cope with stresses to drug use to a mood disorder.

 

[Nomad]

It might be beyond this…but perhaps you can get some good ideas from the book “Yes, your Teen is Crazy.” It’s a bit humorous, but the author has some good ideas.

I would see if your son is willing to go to a therapist and discuss the possibility of medication with the pediatrician. Likely a referral will be needed to a child psychiatrist.

If he has ANY interest or talents…explore them asap. Art, soccer, band etc. Find clubs , get a tutor…whatever…big time explore his interests with him asap.

 

[Copabanana]

Your school might have access to one in the district. If you can afford it, a private one would likely ensure more confidentiality.

If it were me, I would not involve the school. The school psychologist is working for the school district, trying to keep down costs. This would only stigmatize your son, I fear and result in little to no services or clarity.

If your son is referred to a neuropsychologist by his pediatrician t should be covered by your insurance. If it were me, I would either go to a neuropsychologist at a teaching hospital, in my state which is CA, that would be UC San Francisco or UCLA or the like or I would go to the child development center at a regional children's hospital. (Both of these options should take Medicaid and Medicare as payment, and have sliding scales.) That would be a start. But of course, there are private neuropsychologists who would be competent, if you could identify them.

We don't know your child and what he is dealing with. A good child therapist could help.

My son punched holes in the doors and hit the refrigerator. This behavior began after he turned 18 and I had no way to enforce bringing him to an evaluation and he did not cooperate.

In your situation, I might think about helping him channel his aggression and learn how to control it. Martial arts are one way. In Brazilian martial arts, for example, there is a Mestre who teaches a code of behavior and living, how to moderate one's impulses and regulate them and rise above them. They are usually good people. Two of these are Capoeira and Brazilian Jiu-jitsu. I would guess the Asian martial arts are the same. My son adored the Brazilian martial arts.

Or any other activity your son would like, where he is guided by a caring and responsible adult who is not a family member. One activity that is great involves horses and equestrian therapy. There is a nationwide group that provides this therapy. Horses are the very best therapists themselves. Because they are herd animals they are exquisitely sensitive and can transmit loving calm. I would do that in a heartbeat.

Art therapy is another possibility. Music, another.

But then, eventually, our children have full freedom of choice and live their own lives. You are very wise to act now, as you can.

 

[mindinggaps]

@Lollypopgirl17 You've received some excellent advice here, but I'd second the suggestion that a child psychiatrist is the best option here. It can be difficult to get access to these specialized services, but they will be the best positioned to provide a comprehensive assessment. As @Copabanana mentioned, if you can get him assessed before age 18 it could really help things longer term.
At his age it could be any number of issues from something innocuous to something quite serious. Therapy should be started and if there's no success with that, medications will needed to be evaluated. Fortunately, for anger there are many great options with limited risk and side effects.

 

[Lollypopgirl17]

Thanks for all the great feedback. But my son is extremely difficult. He will not go to therapy. Doesn't want to be told what to do. I make suggestions here and there. Ask him about his day, to think about joining a club at school or starting a hobby. And his reaction? Says I piss him off all the time, to shut up, doesn't want to hear me, says I'm dumb or useless and walks away. (Does the same to his dad). The only time he doesn't is when he wants something from me or is in a somewhat good mood and doesn't mind me trying to have a mom son conversation with him. But it's rare for him to actually want to be around me. I don't know where it all went wrong. And I fear it definitely is too late to help him.